Rosh Hashanah Sermon - First Day

Rosh Hashanah 1 (Thanks to Rabbi Mark Mallach)

Earlier today we read from the Torah about the birth of Yitzhak. Our ancestor, Avraham, now heads a seemingly happy family: a son from his beloved Sara and the older son, Yishmael, born to Haggar. For Avraham, life must be good. However, just three years later, the Torah relates that Sara sees the son of Hagar at play, and the exact nature of what Yishmael was doing is left undefined, but Sara’s reaction is visceral. She says to Avraham: GA`RESH HA`AH`MA HA`ZOT V`ET B`NAH – CAST OUT THAT SLAVEWOMAN AND HER SON! (Gen. 21:9).

We are left to ponder, what, caused this seemingly idyllic family picture to be torn apart by such hatred, such enmity? Where does such hatred come from to change a person from being part of the family to being an enemy of the family? And, how long can it last?

Someone asked me not long ago if I have enemies. The question caught me by surprise; I couldn’t think of anyone who fits that horrible category and responded: “I don’t think so, but I’m sure there must be some people who don’t like me.” I’ll ask all of you the same question: do you have enemies? Think about it, is there someone you really dislike, just can’t stand, whom you consider to be your sworn enemy? Or, is there someone whom you know that really dislikes you?

A true story: “Thirty-seven years ago, in the Vietnam War, Dan Cherry was piloting an American F-4 Phantom fighter plane --- and actual cockpit voice recordings tell what Dan heard on his radio. "There's a MiG… Go get 'em, Dan..." And Dan did go get 'em. Life and death … an enemy.

Dan saw the MiG go down in flames and the pilot ejecting and his parachute opening. Decades later, he would think back and wonder...(about) the fate of the MiG pilot…(did) he … survive … was he OK… did he have a family?... But Dan did more than wonder. / He did some research and learned that the pilot …had survived.

(Dan then arranged for the two former enemies to meet, and) … after all those years, … the two had a very firm handshake (and each said)… I hope that we can be friends...'" (Dan was invited to his former enemy’s home), where he met the family and got to hold his little grandson. Cherry said, "And I held him in my arms. It was a special thing and I thought to myself, 'How quickly has trust developed between the two of us...'" …Imagine... "To be able to actually meet the guy I fought a life-and-death duel with --- to be able to put all that behind us --- it was the right thing to do..." Thirty-seven years --- maybe time does heal old wounds."

I heard this story on WCBS radio, it is from the segment The Osgood File; it is an amazing story of reconciliation. But, it is a rarity. Reconciliation is hard to achieve and the consequences of enmity, of harboring hatred can be so severe.

We have been through a gut-wrenching year at Kehilat Shalom. From my perspective it began with the illness and death of Larry Froehlich. We’ve coped with that sad loss, but our community was diminished. A little more than a year ago, the leadership of the synagogue made the commitment of time and serious money to implement truly cutting-edge publicity in the larger community for enrollment in our ECC [40,000 professional looking post cards] and the failure of that PR … was a devastating moment of realization, that change was absolutely necessary for the wellbeing of Kehilat Shalom. Kehilat Shalom has changed because the world around us changed.

We as a community have done a lot of thinking starting around the first of the year about the direction for our sacred community. We have all mourned, verbalized pain and anger and tried to understand and figure out the best way to continue our camaraderie and this place that binds us together and to God.

It has been an excruciating debate for everyone who participated in our reflections and arguments throughout the summer. I knew there would be pain and grief. How could we consider the future of our community as it goes through change without serious disagreement? The real hard questions in our lives are always wrenching. But there was an anger beyond mourning on both sides of the divide. At its core those who voted to seek the merger were saying we want KS to continue as the holy place where our children have a dynamic community to learn and can enjoy the great experiences we had in our shul. That is threatened by the demographic and social realities of today. And at its core the majority who wanted to remain in this our place were saying it’s too much to give up now. We love this place for its beauty and the community that shares it and we have some time. We need time to figure out what is best. And if people were angry on both sides of this debate …. it truly demonstrates how much Kehilat Shalom meant to everyone who spoke. And we articulated the pain and frustration rooted in those two different stories and visions.

I know that anger because I felt it and could barely control my own emotions and words. It took everything I had to not lose it and if a handful of others could not stop themselves from articulating everything they thought and felt… I am not ready to condone or excuse things that have been said… but knowing how close I came to saying something similar… I do understand.

I’m not going to play Monday Morning Quarterback and analyze what we could have done differently. There are a number of things that I know now that I never had experience with before, but I hope I never have to go through something like these past months.

I do have a couple of regrets.

First, I’m sorry that my long-standing plans to stop being in the pulpit fulltime expedited the process for deciding our strategic direction. I wish we could have given the whole congregation more time to feel through and think through where we are and where we need to go… but the necessity of hiring my successor, to put together a Search team and do the Search process internally and then interviewing candidates has to begin soon after these holidays. And I am glad that we have this season of forgiveness and self-renewal to begin the process of healing.

Second, if I could change one thing: I would have informed the congregation sooner and more clearly of the challenge we were facing. We had written a couple of pieces over the past two years and if I could do it over we would have circulated them. It would have eased the shock sooner for many of us so that we could move through the pain to what we thought was best sooner.

Last, as is so often the case, I wish I personally had spent even more time on the communication to you, our members. More important than all the hard work figuring out what we would look like merging or staying and all the papers that were written … was to listen and let everyone know they were heard. We knew the story we were telling was going to be a shock, we knew there would be grief and anger. We set up meetings to enable those feelings to be heard… We needed many more small meetings where everyone could painfully but calmly, sort through the information and the real choices. If I had to do it over again, I would personally have done more of those kinds of meetings. //

One of my favorite movies about community is “Remember the Titans.” In 1971 in Alexandria, Virginia, at the desegregated T. C. Williams High School, an African American head coach is hired to lead the school's football team. Coach Boone takes the coaching position from current white, head coach Bill Yoast (Will Patton), The new coach, Herman Boone (portrayed by Denzel Washington), is black, and his team is a mixture of black players and white players. The struggles that arise from the racial diversity are profound. / The black and white athletes of the football team frequently clash in racially motivated conflicts at their football camp, including those between captain Gerry Bertier (Ryan Hurst) and Julius Campbell (Wood Harris). However, after forceful coaxing and rigorous athletic training by Boone, the team achieves both racial harmony and triumph. Subsequently, the Titans go through the season undefeated while battling racial prejudice, before slowly gaining support from the community. / Ten years later, the coaches and athletes from the team reunite to attend Bertier's funeral, as Yost’s daughter, Sheryl reiterates the message of racial equality and community taught by the Titans.

In the movie a divided community was brought together to play football and in the course of time provided a partial pathway to the larger community to accept the cultural change of the 60s and 70s.

(at KN I’ll talk about the creative tasks)
Today – I want to spend a few minutes on the things, a few of the tasks for this year we need to do together … If we want a future as a community we will, like the TC Williams Football team, have to come together or we will not enjoy a future. They’re all biggies.

First we need to work together to refine and implement the ideas of the Stay Independent document. There are lots of great dreams of how to govern better, learn together better, reach inward and outward to our community better. When we come together and implement a few of these activities … we as a community can revitalize the relationships that are at the core of what Kehilat Shalom has and does stand for.

Second, as you know, CE21 has been working for three years to create a new model of learning for all ages and backgrounds. We did some low hanging fruit last year. We have plans for 5-6 fun and exciting activities this year. Sneak preview: expanding the “Around the Table” program last year where outside of the school, families do focused Jewish experiential learning together and this year we will not be limited to RS families. / In January we will share a Bracha University with Bnai Shalom of Olney, dozens of workshops by age or for families about experiencing and using blessings in our lives. / And a Shabbat “guests” program - families inviting other families and singles to their homes to share and learn the joys of Friday Night dinners. I will talk more about these plans at Kol Nidre and ask you to commit to joining us for at least one of these great experiences. Together we can build momentum to heal and reenergize Kehilat Shalom.

And crucially, we need to find my successor. First we need a committee to do the process. And that’s not just interviewing. We do need a conversation about what do we really want in my successor. No rabbi has everything (I certainly do not) although we’d all like to hire the Messiah. Do we want a great teacher of children or a great teacher of adults? Do we want a wonderful pastor or a fantastic preacher? Do want someone who will engage children, teens, adults – which one is the priority? When we do this rabbinical search process the right way, the new rabbi will have the opportunity to complete the healing which we begin today during this High Holiday Season.

If we can work together on these crucial tasks I think we may gain something equally important. Together, we will find our pathway first to healing and then to nurturing Kehilat Shalom for the coming years.

I remind you before I conclude that this process is not different in our personal lives. If you have not been conflicted, if you have not been angry with someone at work or home… it may be peaceful, but it’s probably the calm before a larger storm… because the changes of life create tensions and anxiety that stress even the best relationships. How do we cope with those stresses? – by working together to meet the challenges.

Sometimes, it may require a long time for this transformation, with set-backs, ups and downs, but it’s ok as long as we have faith in our inner strength to persevere. My colleague, Rabbi Naomi Levy, witnessed at the age of fifteen her father murdered before her; she endured a heart afflicted with bitter pain. She concludes her first book, “To Begin Again,” with the following words:

“In the years since my father’s death, I have learned to trust, to hope, and to laugh again. After my first marriage, I somehow learned to open my eyes, my heart, and my arms again. Throughout our lives we will, we should, feel the pain of our losses, the scars still present even after much time has passed. But we will also feel the strength of our spirit, the ability to persevere in the face of pain. The power to dream despite the many nightmares of existence. The stamina to push forward into the future carrying our past with us all the while. This is the power of God within us. This is our hope, our salvation. This is how we begin again. (p. 267)