Rosh Hashanah Sermon - Second Day

Rosh Hashanah 2nd Day 5722 (Thanks to Rabbi Jack Reimer)

One of the things I always do as the High Holy Days draws near to look back over the main events of the year and see if I can find any lessons in them that will help us live in the new year.

This morning, I want to remind you of one event that occurred this past year, last October, that you may not have seen and if you did have probably forgotten. When it occurred, it made every newspaper in the country, but then, after a few days it faded from our memories. In a month, the story was almost forgotten. But, the story has stayed in my mind, and so, I want to study it with you today.

It is the story of two prominent, highly educated and very successful women, and the mistake that they both made. The first is Virginia Thomas, the wife of Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas. And the second is Anita Hill, who is a member of the faculty at Brandeis University.

Twenty years ago, the whole world knew their names. Anita Hill was the woman who testified against Clarence Thomas when he was being considered by the Senate for the position on the Supreme Court. She made terrible accusations against him, which he denied. And the story of those accusations that she made were in every newspaper in the world.

Finally, Clarence Thomas was approved. And that was the last we heard about this matter until this year. And then, this year, Mrs. Clarence Thomas did a very strange thing. For some reason, I don’t know why, Mrs. Thomas called Anita Hill this year. She called her at 7:00 in the morning on a Saturday. And she called her, not at her home, but at her office. Surely she knew that the odds were very slight that she would be in her office at such an hour, but that is what she did.

And when no one answered, she left this message on the machine. “Good morning, Ms. Hill. This is Virginia Thomas calling. I just wanted to reach across the years and ask you to consider making an apology for what you did to my husband. So give it some thought, would you, please? Ok. Have a nice day.”

My guess and it is only a guess, I don’t claim to know, is that the reason Mrs. Thomas chose to call Anita Hill at her office on seven o’clock in the morning on a Saturday was because she did not want to speak to her directly. She probably felt it would be easier to leave a message on her machine than it would have been to speak to her in person. I can understand that. You and I have probably done the same thing on occasion, haven’t we? Sometimes, it is easier to write a letter or to send an e-mail or to leave a message that it is to confront someone directly. Isn’t that so? But for whatever reason, that is what she did.

My question to you today is: Did she do the right thing in reaching out to the woman who had made an awful accusation against her husband more than twenty years ago or not? Before you answer that question, let me tell you what happened next.

Ms. Hill came into her office on Monday morning, and heard the message. And do you know what she did? She reacted by contacting the campus police department, which in turn notified the FBI, and from there, the story of what happened went to the newspapers.

I ask you: If the caller had threatened her life, then I think she would have been justified in calling the police. But in this case, there was no threat; there was no danger, just a message from a woman who lived in Washington, many miles away from Boston. And in the call she made no threats, and she made no warnings. All she did was ask for an apology.

By going to the police, what did Anita Hill accomplish?? She only made the event into a news story, a story that was in every newspaper in the world for a day or two, before it faded away.

Who are these two women? Virginia Thomas is a wealthy and a successful woman. She is active in many political causes. To the best of my knowledge, she has a good marriage. And Anita Hall is also a very successful woman. She is a tenured professor at a major university. She has written some very substantive articles in her field of expertise.

And yet, I must tell you that I feel sorry for them both. I feel sorry for both of them because, even though more than twenty years have gone by, the two of them are evidently still obsessed by what happened. Even though the world has almost forgotten what happened back then, Virginia Thomas and Anita Hill are evidently still preoccupied with the scandal that they were involved in so many years ago. What happened more than twenty years ago is evidently still a festering sore that continues to pain them. And so, one made the mistake of bringing the matter up again, in a way that did no good. And the other made the mistake of publicizing what she did, in a way that did no good.

And what did they accomplish by doing that? They only succeeded in reminding us of an embarrassing incident that is better forgotten, for all our sakes.

Why do I talk about this matter today? After all, neither Virginia Thomas nor Anita Hill is here today to hear what I have to say?

I do so, because you and I are here, and I think that most of us have made the same mistake on occasion that these two people made this year. Who among us does not carry inside us the memory of some incident in which someone hurt us, for no good reason? And who among us has had the wisdom to put that incident behind us, and to let the past be past?

How do we make it better and find a way to move on? Part of the answer is that we do need time to grieve. I do. Many of us have invested hours and hours and our souls toward the right direction for our community and some of us have not seen those dreams bear fruit. We need to move forward together but some of us are just going to need some more time. I would ask everyone to consider: if your vote had been cast with the minority, how would you feel and how much time would you need to work again for the future?

Before we’re ready to put the past behind us we should always first seek forgiveness and that’s what I want to do now in two steps. First, it has been a difficult year for me professionally and more so personally. That does not excuse any act or word that I may have expressed that was hurtful to anyone. As a symbolical step I’d like to apologize to anyone I have caused pain or embarrassment. That is not a true apology, though. I have spoken to a few people who I may have injured with words this year. If you are someone that I have hurt with anger, or hearsay or flip uncaring remark, please give me a call or email in the next few days. I’d like to make a direct confession of regret and hope to not repeat the inappropriate behavior before Yom Kippur so that I can cleanse myself as much as humanly possible before the Day of Atonement.

I also know that some people will be afraid to contact me. So I return to the earlier them about our quest during these Holy Days for healing. There is a key section of the Mussaf that is called Zichronot. And in that section, there is a passage that says: Ata zocher kol hanishkachot. You remember all that we forget. I always thought that means that the things we do wrong that we forget about, God remembers. God writes them in a book and God confronts us with them on Rosh Hashanah.

But perhaps Ata zocher kol hanishkachot has another meaning. Perhaps it means that God remembers all the times when we were insulted or when we were criticized, or when we were treated badly and we forgot about it. That … God remembers, to our credit. The fact that we don’t spend our lives brooding over the things that were done to us, but that, instead, we get over them, and go on with our lives, THAT is what God remembers on our behalf on the Day of Judgment.

Let me tell you of an experience from some years ago. When I was in an former congregation, I got a call that one of our members was in the hospital, and that he was going to have surgery. So I went to see him as soon as he could. I walked into this patient’s room, and, much to my surprise, the man began to cry. I asked him why he was crying, and this is what he said, “That you would come to see me after what I did to you? I can’t believe it.”

I asked him what he meant, and he said, “Don’t you remember. You came to the board once with a proposal. And I was one of those who spoke against it. I ridiculed your idea, and said that it would never work. And thanks to me, your proposal was turned down by the board. And now, you come to see me? After what I did to you?” And he cried.

I must tell you that I am not a great saint, but even then my memory is not what it used to be. And I honestly did not remember the incident. If I had, who knows? Perhaps I might have been a little late going to see him, or I might have been a little bit less effective in praying for him, but I really didn’t remember. And that made it easier for me to live with and to work with this man all the years that we were in the same synagogue together. Whereas he had to live all those years with the feeling that perhaps he had hurt me or insulted me, or that I was mad at him. There are times when it is good to have a bad memory, and this was surely such a time.

And so, this is my wish for you as the new year begins: May you have, not only a good memory for all the blessings that you receive in your life, but may you also have a good forgettery for all the painful things that you receive in your life. May you have a good memory for all the joyous moments that you experience in your life, and may you have a good forgettery for all the slights and hurts and insults that you experience in your life.

And may this year be a year of happiness, healing and peace for us all.

Rosh Hashanah Sermon - First Day

Rosh Hashanah 1 (Thanks to Rabbi Mark Mallach)

Earlier today we read from the Torah about the birth of Yitzhak. Our ancestor, Avraham, now heads a seemingly happy family: a son from his beloved Sara and the older son, Yishmael, born to Haggar. For Avraham, life must be good. However, just three years later, the Torah relates that Sara sees the son of Hagar at play, and the exact nature of what Yishmael was doing is left undefined, but Sara’s reaction is visceral. She says to Avraham: GA`RESH HA`AH`MA HA`ZOT V`ET B`NAH – CAST OUT THAT SLAVEWOMAN AND HER SON! (Gen. 21:9).

We are left to ponder, what, caused this seemingly idyllic family picture to be torn apart by such hatred, such enmity? Where does such hatred come from to change a person from being part of the family to being an enemy of the family? And, how long can it last?

Someone asked me not long ago if I have enemies. The question caught me by surprise; I couldn’t think of anyone who fits that horrible category and responded: “I don’t think so, but I’m sure there must be some people who don’t like me.” I’ll ask all of you the same question: do you have enemies? Think about it, is there someone you really dislike, just can’t stand, whom you consider to be your sworn enemy? Or, is there someone whom you know that really dislikes you?

A true story: “Thirty-seven years ago, in the Vietnam War, Dan Cherry was piloting an American F-4 Phantom fighter plane --- and actual cockpit voice recordings tell what Dan heard on his radio. "There's a MiG… Go get 'em, Dan..." And Dan did go get 'em. Life and death … an enemy.

Dan saw the MiG go down in flames and the pilot ejecting and his parachute opening. Decades later, he would think back and wonder...(about) the fate of the MiG pilot…(did) he … survive … was he OK… did he have a family?... But Dan did more than wonder. / He did some research and learned that the pilot …had survived.

(Dan then arranged for the two former enemies to meet, and) … after all those years, … the two had a very firm handshake (and each said)… I hope that we can be friends...'" (Dan was invited to his former enemy’s home), where he met the family and got to hold his little grandson. Cherry said, "And I held him in my arms. It was a special thing and I thought to myself, 'How quickly has trust developed between the two of us...'" …Imagine... "To be able to actually meet the guy I fought a life-and-death duel with --- to be able to put all that behind us --- it was the right thing to do..." Thirty-seven years --- maybe time does heal old wounds."

I heard this story on WCBS radio, it is from the segment The Osgood File; it is an amazing story of reconciliation. But, it is a rarity. Reconciliation is hard to achieve and the consequences of enmity, of harboring hatred can be so severe.

We have been through a gut-wrenching year at Kehilat Shalom. From my perspective it began with the illness and death of Larry Froehlich. We’ve coped with that sad loss, but our community was diminished. A little more than a year ago, the leadership of the synagogue made the commitment of time and serious money to implement truly cutting-edge publicity in the larger community for enrollment in our ECC [40,000 professional looking post cards] and the failure of that PR … was a devastating moment of realization, that change was absolutely necessary for the wellbeing of Kehilat Shalom. Kehilat Shalom has changed because the world around us changed.

We as a community have done a lot of thinking starting around the first of the year about the direction for our sacred community. We have all mourned, verbalized pain and anger and tried to understand and figure out the best way to continue our camaraderie and this place that binds us together and to God.

It has been an excruciating debate for everyone who participated in our reflections and arguments throughout the summer. I knew there would be pain and grief. How could we consider the future of our community as it goes through change without serious disagreement? The real hard questions in our lives are always wrenching. But there was an anger beyond mourning on both sides of the divide. At its core those who voted to seek the merger were saying we want KS to continue as the holy place where our children have a dynamic community to learn and can enjoy the great experiences we had in our shul. That is threatened by the demographic and social realities of today. And at its core the majority who wanted to remain in this our place were saying it’s too much to give up now. We love this place for its beauty and the community that shares it and we have some time. We need time to figure out what is best. And if people were angry on both sides of this debate …. it truly demonstrates how much Kehilat Shalom meant to everyone who spoke. And we articulated the pain and frustration rooted in those two different stories and visions.

I know that anger because I felt it and could barely control my own emotions and words. It took everything I had to not lose it and if a handful of others could not stop themselves from articulating everything they thought and felt… I am not ready to condone or excuse things that have been said… but knowing how close I came to saying something similar… I do understand.

I’m not going to play Monday Morning Quarterback and analyze what we could have done differently. There are a number of things that I know now that I never had experience with before, but I hope I never have to go through something like these past months.

I do have a couple of regrets.

First, I’m sorry that my long-standing plans to stop being in the pulpit fulltime expedited the process for deciding our strategic direction. I wish we could have given the whole congregation more time to feel through and think through where we are and where we need to go… but the necessity of hiring my successor, to put together a Search team and do the Search process internally and then interviewing candidates has to begin soon after these holidays. And I am glad that we have this season of forgiveness and self-renewal to begin the process of healing.

Second, if I could change one thing: I would have informed the congregation sooner and more clearly of the challenge we were facing. We had written a couple of pieces over the past two years and if I could do it over we would have circulated them. It would have eased the shock sooner for many of us so that we could move through the pain to what we thought was best sooner.

Last, as is so often the case, I wish I personally had spent even more time on the communication to you, our members. More important than all the hard work figuring out what we would look like merging or staying and all the papers that were written … was to listen and let everyone know they were heard. We knew the story we were telling was going to be a shock, we knew there would be grief and anger. We set up meetings to enable those feelings to be heard… We needed many more small meetings where everyone could painfully but calmly, sort through the information and the real choices. If I had to do it over again, I would personally have done more of those kinds of meetings. //

One of my favorite movies about community is “Remember the Titans.” In 1971 in Alexandria, Virginia, at the desegregated T. C. Williams High School, an African American head coach is hired to lead the school's football team. Coach Boone takes the coaching position from current white, head coach Bill Yoast (Will Patton), The new coach, Herman Boone (portrayed by Denzel Washington), is black, and his team is a mixture of black players and white players. The struggles that arise from the racial diversity are profound. / The black and white athletes of the football team frequently clash in racially motivated conflicts at their football camp, including those between captain Gerry Bertier (Ryan Hurst) and Julius Campbell (Wood Harris). However, after forceful coaxing and rigorous athletic training by Boone, the team achieves both racial harmony and triumph. Subsequently, the Titans go through the season undefeated while battling racial prejudice, before slowly gaining support from the community. / Ten years later, the coaches and athletes from the team reunite to attend Bertier's funeral, as Yost’s daughter, Sheryl reiterates the message of racial equality and community taught by the Titans.

In the movie a divided community was brought together to play football and in the course of time provided a partial pathway to the larger community to accept the cultural change of the 60s and 70s.

(at KN I’ll talk about the creative tasks)
Today – I want to spend a few minutes on the things, a few of the tasks for this year we need to do together … If we want a future as a community we will, like the TC Williams Football team, have to come together or we will not enjoy a future. They’re all biggies.

First we need to work together to refine and implement the ideas of the Stay Independent document. There are lots of great dreams of how to govern better, learn together better, reach inward and outward to our community better. When we come together and implement a few of these activities … we as a community can revitalize the relationships that are at the core of what Kehilat Shalom has and does stand for.

Second, as you know, CE21 has been working for three years to create a new model of learning for all ages and backgrounds. We did some low hanging fruit last year. We have plans for 5-6 fun and exciting activities this year. Sneak preview: expanding the “Around the Table” program last year where outside of the school, families do focused Jewish experiential learning together and this year we will not be limited to RS families. / In January we will share a Bracha University with Bnai Shalom of Olney, dozens of workshops by age or for families about experiencing and using blessings in our lives. / And a Shabbat “guests” program - families inviting other families and singles to their homes to share and learn the joys of Friday Night dinners. I will talk more about these plans at Kol Nidre and ask you to commit to joining us for at least one of these great experiences. Together we can build momentum to heal and reenergize Kehilat Shalom.

And crucially, we need to find my successor. First we need a committee to do the process. And that’s not just interviewing. We do need a conversation about what do we really want in my successor. No rabbi has everything (I certainly do not) although we’d all like to hire the Messiah. Do we want a great teacher of children or a great teacher of adults? Do we want a wonderful pastor or a fantastic preacher? Do want someone who will engage children, teens, adults – which one is the priority? When we do this rabbinical search process the right way, the new rabbi will have the opportunity to complete the healing which we begin today during this High Holiday Season.

If we can work together on these crucial tasks I think we may gain something equally important. Together, we will find our pathway first to healing and then to nurturing Kehilat Shalom for the coming years.

I remind you before I conclude that this process is not different in our personal lives. If you have not been conflicted, if you have not been angry with someone at work or home… it may be peaceful, but it’s probably the calm before a larger storm… because the changes of life create tensions and anxiety that stress even the best relationships. How do we cope with those stresses? – by working together to meet the challenges.

Sometimes, it may require a long time for this transformation, with set-backs, ups and downs, but it’s ok as long as we have faith in our inner strength to persevere. My colleague, Rabbi Naomi Levy, witnessed at the age of fifteen her father murdered before her; she endured a heart afflicted with bitter pain. She concludes her first book, “To Begin Again,” with the following words:

“In the years since my father’s death, I have learned to trust, to hope, and to laugh again. After my first marriage, I somehow learned to open my eyes, my heart, and my arms again. Throughout our lives we will, we should, feel the pain of our losses, the scars still present even after much time has passed. But we will also feel the strength of our spirit, the ability to persevere in the face of pain. The power to dream despite the many nightmares of existence. The stamina to push forward into the future carrying our past with us all the while. This is the power of God within us. This is our hope, our salvation. This is how we begin again. (p. 267)

Options Kehilat Shalom Considered for the Future

Strategic Options for Kehilat Shalom's Future

Q. Why not stay as we are?
A. When Kehilat Shalom was 300 families we were able to support our infrastructure and program. Our shrinking number of members, Religious School children, and ECC children has created a structural deficit. Even with planned cuts to staff and program our income does not support our operation. The status quo is not sustainable.

Q. Do we really need to sell our Education Center?
A. At this time, the Education Center costs us about $70,000 a year to operate (part of the mortgage, utilities, etc.) The sale of the Rosenberg Center (anticipated to be over $1m) should enable to vastly reduce or pay off our mortgage for both buildings. Sale of the facility would mean the sad loss of our Early Childhood Center. We would need to rent space for our Religious School, if we opt to remain an independent congregation.

Q. Why not sell our present location and move North?
A. Our professional estimate of the value of our combined facility is around $4m+. Paying off our mortgage would leave us, depending on the actual sale amount, with $3m. With the cost of land and the cost of construction, our present numbers would not be able to afford constructing a new facility. At this time with the number of Jews in the Northern Part of the County, this was perceived by the Strategic Planning Committee to be too great a risk.

Q. After we sell our Education Center, could we remain in our present location?
A. With this sale, the influx of cash would enable to pay off our mortgage. With our present number of families, even as membership shrinks and ages, our financial balance sheet would be positive for around another decade.
This is a viable option. The Board, though, looking at the projections strongly felt that in this scenario, as we continue to grow smaller: our programs and activities will become moribund. School classes will become too small to have grade classes. Daily Minyan will become unsustainable. Shabbat & Holiday services will have very small crowds.
Some of our leaders are confident that a new rabbi and a new location with a revitalized Religious School could give us a boost in affiliation to extend the scenario of independence for more years.
If we vote not to create the new community, this option would be fleshed out and implemented.

Q. Why doesn’t Shaare Torah sell their facility and move to Montgomery Village?
A. In our conversations and research, we believe the continued growth/construction in the Lakelands, Route 28 corridor north, Crown Farms and Science Center offers a strong probability of Jewish families seeking to affiliate with a Conservative synagogue in those areas.
The Planning Committee also believes that the Lakelands area can serve as a hub/center for creating a dynamic center to serve all Jews in the Upcounty area.

Q. Can’t we keep both the Lakelands and the Montgomery Campus in a new community?
A. The cost of the mortgages and the operating expenses of two synagogue facilities are not possible within our present combined membership base.

Q. Why not sell both campuses and build a new one in Germantown or Clarksburg?
A. While there is a multi-million dollar equity in the Kehilat Shalom campus, Shaare Torah facility being recently constructed does not have sizable equity.
Also, we are not sure there is critical mass at this time in Clarksburg or Urbana to support a new facility with the probability of present members who would not travel to a northern location.

New Community Part 2 - Communication

Before I write what I had intended at the end of my last blog... I want to remind myself and everyone who reads this ... how important open, honest and heart-felt communication is regarding our future.
There is no one who can look at where Kehilat Shalom is going without pain and sadness. But we can talk about our pain and talk about our options without rancor. That is the central focus of this summer.
We are talking with Shaare Torah about our options for the future, the challenge doing things differently and being two successful separate communities. No one is sure that we can bridge our difference although we are hopefully that people of good faith and intelligence can create a vibrant community together.
We are also talking within Kehilat Shalom and trying to answer everyone's issues and raw feelings.
Change is hard. Losing something beloved is hard. We do have real choices and only together can we make the right choice.
If you contact us and we don't get back to you... PLEASE let someone else know. The most important thing we have to do this summer is listen and answer everyone's concerns.

New Community Recommendation Part 1

While I know that not only synagogue members read my blog, I want to reflect over a couple of postings about the strategic direction of Kehilat Shalom. For the past 7-8 years the congregation has been slowly shrinking. We knew that few families, if any, were moving into Montgomery Village, but we had hoped that the growth rate in Germantown and Clarksburg would sustain our community.
Starting nearly three years ago, an 'expanded' Executive Committee started doing "Strategic Planning." Most of our efforts were tactical - especially focused around Membership retention and outreach. Last summer, thousand of postcards were sent to residents of area including and around Montgomery Village about our Early Childhood Center. We gained 9 new families - but only two were Jewish children. An even larger mailing went out to an expanded area at the beginning of this year, but generated only tiny interest in our Nursery School. From these mailings, we have come to understand that there is not interest among the families that exist in our area, to participate in the programs and activities of Kehilat Shalom at this time.
Our Religious school has gone in my (15) years at KS from 311 to under 100, the ECC from a peak of 96 to 40, and our overall membership from a high of 358 to 260. The trend has been a net loss of membership of 10 members annually over the past decade. We do project some growth from the Clarksburg/Damascus area, when building resumes after the recession is complete, but not the kind of expansion which would give us a strong future. We don't envision any other construction or demographic changes leading to large "Jewish" growth in our part of the county.
The decision of the Board is already complete to sell our School Building in the summer of 2012. [It costs us $70,000 a year to operate our smaller facility] We anticipate that the cash from the sale could pay off the mortgage for our entire facility and leave money for some of the repairs that will be needed in the next 5 years.
This is the first realistic option for Kehilat Shalom. We can remain in place for at least five years with sufficient cash to support our present plant and program. As our membership ages and continues to shrink - there will be a point in time before the balance sheet becomes negative, when (we believe) critical mass will probably be lost and our school, social life, and worship become moribund.
Since no one can realistically plan beyond a five year window, this scenario is the first one offered to our congregation for the foreseeable future. This option offers continuity and keeping our wonderful Sanctuary/Social hall for the near future.
Next blog will be on the options we've considered to be non-feasible.

Passover is over

It's Isru Hag (the Day after a major holiday)!! I've still got to get the matzoh out of my system, but it was a nice yuntif. My son was home for both seders. We had normal "crowds" in shul for all the days of the holiday. I don't lead the 2md Night Community Seder, but the reviews on both the food and the service were excellent. My 5 minutes in the Passover Playdate with the ECC children - was energizing. Torah readings and sermons went OK. Overall it was the downtime that I needed. I'm not yet myself, but at least I got some physical rest (and read two books for me.) Now I have to get my body back into shape after 4 months with minimal exercising.

I'm almost back

Well, it's 6 & 1/2 weeks since my mother died, three and half since my sister-in-law's passing and just over a week since my "uncle" passed away. In addition to several deaths within the Kehilat Shalom extended community - it's been a rough stretch. I've handled this amount of grief before in my 30 years as a rabbi, but never with three so close to home.
Looking back, I know I've been incredibly fortunate. The last death of someone truly close was my father's mother, which occurred in 1986. My father is doing amazingly well. I feel closer to my sisters ... who are beyond wonderful. Diane is doing pretty good and Tali's truly happy at School (and celebrated his 21st this past Sunday).
It's still hard to concentrate - I am really only productive for an hour or two a day. Minyan in the morning and the evening is a real comfort; as is all the support I've received and the slack people are cutting me. I find I'm looking forward to upcoming Bnai Mitzvah and weddings - trying to relocate the "balance in life" that I've almost always had and have lost in the past month. (And I'm really glad the cracks in the SW 737s were discovered after ... all the flights I've been on recently)