Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Preparing for my mother's passing

I've made two visits to New York in the last week. My mother was diagnosed with severe liver disease near the end of the summer and last week was placed into the "Comfort Care" program at her Nursing Home in Montrose, NY. I was able to see her in the middle of last week when she was still conscious and it was wonderful to have her... despite extreme weakness, still be herself. There was a lot of good closure as we reflected on the love she gave and received throughout her life.
By Friday she had lapsed into semi-consciousness and we really thought the end was imminent. But she's still here and it's Wednesday. My family arrived Saturday night to help my dad and sisters with the vigil. She, still, after being moved every two hours opens her eyes and seems to blink in response to our talking to her. Then she glazes over and seems to sleep. We know she's still in there and so we keep talking and knowing she's listening to us. The time becomes even more precious, as difficult as it is.
So I'm back in Maryland for a few days, calling my sisters every couple of hours and finishing the loose ends for the funeral. I'm mostly numb already, with moments of clarity and brief moments of great sadness. I've been blessed, on so many levels and ways, by my mother through my 58 of her 82 years but I'm really going to miss her repeating herself, her indignation, her modesty, the forbidden-ness of cursing around her, and mostly her unconditional love...

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