YIZKOR 5772 (Thanks to Susan Grossman)
This is my 16th YK Yizkor Sermon at KS, my 31st as the rabbi of a congregation and including my student pulpits my 34th preaching at services on the High Holidays. I don’t remember my sermons from 25/30 years ago, but I think I’ve always tried to do a sermon to prepare myself and my community for Yizkor tears. While all these sermons were ultimately about life, this year I offer something without the tears of memory.
Rabbi Naomi Levy is one of my truly gifted colleagues. Upon ordination, she became a successful congregational rabbi in California. She married a wonderful guy. They had two beautiful children. She published. Then she received the call from the pediatric specialist. / No one wants to get a call like this. That story is in her third book, Hope Will Call.
The results were in. Her daughter, Noa, had a terminal degenerative disease called, ironically, A-T, which stands for Ataxia-telangiectasia, (the-lan-jick-tay-sha). Most of its victims are wheelchair bound by the age of ten and die before they turn twenty.
Second opinions were ambiguous. At best though, they wouldn’t know if Noa had A-T until she was older.
Rabbi Levy’s whole world narrowed to trying to “fix” her daughter. There were medical and therapy appointments and fighting the insurance company for coverage.
She spent every waking moment focused on her child. She stopped working. She stopped writing. / Can we blame her? Yet she blamed herself. She felt lost. / She stopped praying. Where was God anyway? / The fear, pain and anger bubbled up inside her.
How did she find her way back? / To herself? To God?
It was a long journey that begins with a story: A story about a homeless man named Bo who wanted to study Bible with Rabbi Levy: “One day in late October as I was [waiting for Noa,] sitting in a waiting room, watching my life slip away from me, I flashed a memory of Bo…”
“Bo was a person who told his story: ‘I could have had it all: a home, a wife, kids. I could have been a teacher. But I was running away and chasing after other gods. / I traded it all in for the drink and the needle.’
In a conversation Noami said to Bo, ‘Do you know where Jonah finally found God? Right in the belly of that whale. It’s time for you to find God, Bo.’ Bo got very excited. He said, ‘God’s with me in the belly of the whale.’
“Watching Bo, I so wanted to believe he could turn his life around. I wanted to believe that it’s never too late to change. I thought about the ways we all run from the call of God or the call of our souls. But Bo’s life had spun out too long and too far. Bo began the process of changing his life, but he could never get out of the belly of the whale. He died of AIDS.
“Sitting in that waiting room, I saw myself inside Bo’s whale. I couldn’t figure out how to keep things in perspective. I couldn’t figure out how to get my life back on track again. Fighting for Noa’s health had become my obsession.... Thinking of Bo I whispered to myself, ‘It’s never too late’ is a lie. / Suddenly I saw the danger of putting things off, of dropping out of life the way I had. I understood that if you wait for the right moment to appear, it might never come. I told myself: You’re waiting to be saved from above, but transformation requires effort from below. You keep telling yourself you’ve got plenty of time to get back on track, but time has better things to do than to stick around waiting for you…”
In her story Rabbi Levy’s miracle was also subtle. Her angel? / A bald man, another waiting room parent. One day, he commented to Rabbi Levy that her daughter Noa was something special. These words began to open Rabbi Levy’s eyes to the good before her, in her own daughter. Despite all her pain and weakness, all of her learning challenges, Noa bubbled with enthusiasm, optimism and ideas about how to live her life the maximum within her challenges. She exudes a joi de vivre – a joy in living every moment which is tangible.
One day, as she was cleaning out Noa’s backpack, Rabbi Levy found a spiral notebook filled with entries Noa had written. She couldn’t help but read them.
Rabbi Levy writes: “Where did this come from? That voice…that depth. I slid to the floor of her bedroom and read on. My tears were dripping on her words…barely legible…words full of wisdom and encouragement…Did she know she was talking to me?...”
“I asked Noa for her permission to share them with others…I call them ‘Noa’s Twelve Rules for Living a Rich Life…’
“1. Be Adventurous: You can sit at home and be grumpy and life will mean nothing to you. Or you can go on an adventure through life and try stuff you never thought you would do and life will be exciting for you. You shouldn’t just sit around and do nothing because there should be some pretty cool adventures in life.
“2. Be Kind to Yourself: If you’re mean to yourself, others will be mean to you. So respect yourself. It’s a good thing. People will see your positive outlook and add to your happiness.
“3. Make Mistakes: If you don’t do anything you will never make a mistake. If you don’t make a mistake you will never try anything. So make mistakes; it will be good in the end.
“4. Laugh: When you are in a bad mood and someone makes you laugh, it gives you a jump start on your day. My friend once hurt her head and I said something funny that made her laugh and then that really cheered her up.
“5. Lift Your Own Spirits: If you are sad or down you have to will yourself not to be down anymore. One morning, I was driving in the car to school and I said to myself, ‘I don’t have any talent,’ and I really got sad. Then I thought, ‘I can blow Shofar,’…(and) my sadness went away. So remember you can wish yourself up.
“6. Play to Your Strengths: If you can do something, don’t let it get involved with what you can’t do. I can’t do math so well but I can do reading really well if I try. So I don’t get my good reading mixed up with my bad math. So don’t let your good get mixed up with your bad.
“7. Ask Yourself for Help: If you are having trouble with something, think first before you ask someone for help… Once my mom was having trouble writing a sermon. Before asking anybody for help she thought about it some more and wrote a great sermon. So think before you ask for help. It will be better.
“8. Live Up to Your Dreams: If you have dreams they’re probably not going to happen if you don’t live up to them. None of my dreams are going to happen if I don’t stick with them and believe they’re going to happen. So follow your dreams. What can go wrong? Most everything will come true.
“9. Be a Friend: Nobody is ever perfect, so your friends have to learn to look past your faults…Someone isn’t going to like you because you know everything. They’re going to like you because you truly care…True friends are the people who really care for you when you need them.
“10. Don’t Let Mean People Shake You: If someone is being mean to you, it’s probably because they have there own problems…At my old school there was this girl and she was always mean to me and talked about me behind my back. That mean girl said I was so weak. She said I couldn’t do anything. Now, I wasn’t going to sit there and take her rudeness. I went out there and proved I could do it. You can do anything you want to do. Don’t let some negativity hold you back.
“11. Forgive: If someone hurts your feelings, you will be offended, but it can be fixed…I once had a big fight with my friend at school…We finally made up and became good friends again. You know you can’t change the past, but you can change the future.
“12. Stand Up to Peer Pressure: You know who you are. You don’t need anyone to tell you who you are…[you] don’t have to do what other people tell [you you] should do. Be strong! Be smart! Make good decisions!”
Did Noa know she was also talking to each of us? These 12 rules encapsulate how to make the most of our journey through life. Be Adventurous. Be Kind to Yourself. Make Mistakes. Laugh. Lift Your Own Spirits. Play to Your Strengths. Ask Yourself for Help. Live Up to Your Dreams. Be a Friend. Don’t Let Mean People Shake You. Forgive. Stand Up to Peer Pressure.
Some miracles are so subtle they begin with barely legible words scrawled in a young girl’s spiral notebook.
Noa’s 12 Rules for Living a Rich Life speak to how we can hold onto hope. How we can see the good before us. How we can reach out a hand to another and be strengthened ourselves thereby. How the power of transformation comes from within us and we should not wait too long to begin.
But Noa certainly is wise enough to play to her strengths and make the most of her journey through life. It is the journey that matters most.
How do we make the most of our journey? / How do we hold onto hope in the dark belly of the whale? / How do we see the good before us? / How do we reach out our hands to others and strengthen ourselves thereby? / How do we embrace the wisdom that the power of transformation comes from within us and we should not wait too long to begin?
We are all hikers on the trail called life. We, too, can find ourselves alone in the dark, beset by storms, facing exhaustion, and despairing of hanging in there until the sun again shines.
How we weather those storms depends on our attitude. How we hang onto hope, even in the dark, depends on our ability to see the good despite the bad. How we rise above our exhaustion depends upon our ability to reach out to others and be strengthened thereby.
It is not where we start from, nor where we end up, that is most important. It is not what we are going through, nor how long we have, that is most important. It is the journey itself that matters most.
The quality of that journey, where we find joy and where we derive strength, is up to us. Our lives can be filled with pretty cool adventures. God’s subtle miracles are all around us, if we open our eyes to see them. The ability to transform ourselves, even in the belly of the whale, is within us whenever we choose to start. Let us not wait too long to begin.
It’s the journey to life and of life that matters most.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Kol Nidray Sermon 2011
KOL NIDRAY 5772 (Thanks to Jack Reimer and Mark Greenspan)
Let me tell you the story of a person from whom I learned a lesson this year. Her name is Talya Glazer, and she is a member of the pre-school class of the Jewish Community Center of Harrison, New York.
Harrison is an upper middle class community that is located in Westchester County, not far from White Plains and Scarsdale. Talya is a rabbi’s daughter, and she taught me a very important lesson.
Rabbi Glazer and his wife have a custom that many other parents have as well. Whenever they go for a walk with their daughter, and they pass a fountain, they give Talya a penny, and they tell her to throw the coin into the fountain and make a wish. They did that one day this year, they passed a fountain, and so they gave Talya a penny and they told her to throw it into the fountain and make a wish, say a prayer.
She thought, and she thought, and she prayed, but did not throw the coin into the fountain. A minute went by, two minutes went by, three minutes went by and still she did not throw the penny into the fountain. They could see that she was thinking very hard. And then finally, finally, finally, she threw the coin into the fountain.
Her parents asked Talya: What took you so long? And what did you finally wish for? What did you pray for? And she told them: She said: I was concentrating so long and thinking so hard, because I really, really, really wanted my wish to come true. They asked her: so what was your wish? And she said: I wished that I could see my friend, Eddie.
Eddie was Talya’s best friend. They went to the same Pre-School together in Harrison. But Eddie & his parents recently moved from Harrison to Philadelphia, & Talya missed Eddie very much. And so she held on to that penny for a long time, and then she threw it into the fountain. And the wish was that she could see Eddie again sometime soon.
Now I ask you: What do you do when your child makes a wish like that? Her parents looked at each other, and they both had the same thought at the same time. And so, when they got home, they called Eddie’s parents in Philadelphia, and invited them to come back to Harrison for Tot Shabbat. And they invited them to stay at their home, so that Talya and Eddie could have the play date that they both wanted to have so much.
When I heard that story, I learned from Talya the power of friendship. In contrast, you probably know the story of Mark Zuckerberg who founded Facebook of how he is now one of the richest men in the world, but has lost almost all the friends he had before his amazing business success. But in some ways Talya is richer than he, because he may have invented Facebook and the social network, but he himself had no friends, whereas Talya had only a penny, but she was fortunate enough to have a real friend. And therefore, I think that in some ways she is richer.
At its best that is what Kehilat Shalom has meant. We made friends who supported us in hard times and celebrated with us at simchas. When we needed a friend we had a circle of friends who had been through the ups and downs of life with us. Many of us still have those kinds of connections and for those who do not yet enjoy that core experience I’ll have some suggestions in a few moments.
There is another kind of friendship that is about conversation. We all have friends we trust to listen and shmooze and advice us. We have circles of people we enjoy learning with and from. We have havurot after services or on pick up from schools with whom we share our thoughts and feelings. We are not alone in our common quest for not just social connection, but open and honest conversation.
But there is another level of friendship conversation, which has been damaged, in the past year. One of the things that joins us a human beings in sacred quest for Jewish meaning is a shared vision of the future for our community. It’s friends who share an outlook on life.
That’s what so much of today’s liturgy reflects. From the rituals, to the words of the confession and prayers of forgiveness, it’s not about me, it’s always “WE”. Yom Kippur is a day of AT-ONE-MENT. It is not simply a matter of saying 'I'm sorry' and resolving not to sin anymore. It's a day on which we're challenged to reconnect with God, with family, and with one another. It is a day when we become a community, united by our weaknesses and strengths. In prayer and confession, we become each other's advocates. It is not our own sins for which we seek forgiveness but the sins and failings of those sitting around us. The most common word in the Yom Kippur liturgy is "WE."
But we've lost how to be a community. There was a time, not so long ago, when the emphasis in Jewish life was on peoplehood. Our parents and grandparents may have had doubts about faith and observance but they knew who they were and to what people belong. They didn’t just build houses of worship - they built "community centers" like the "Kehilat Shalom." Then, there was a sense that Jews around the world shared a common destiny, or at least a common enemy. In 80s, a quarter million Jews descended on Washington, DC and half a million in NY for a mass rallies calling on the Soviet Union to allow unrestricted emigration of Jews. I don’t think we could do that today.
The High Holy Days may be the last bastion of communal solidarity. We come here to be with one another on a day of AT-ONE-MENT. There's something powerful that happens when we come together in prayer and celebration during the Yamim Noraim. We see old friends. We reconnect with something larger than ourselves. We feel a sense of warmth and community as we raise our voices in song and prayer together. We speak of shared values and visions.
But community can't exist once or twice a year, or only when it's convenient. You have to sign on and be a constant part of the community for the community to be part of you. Either you're an active member of the community or not, either you're part of the Jewish people or not. There must be give and take.
How do we re-create that shared dream of a thriving, loving community? I spoke on RH of the governance tasks needed to continue to be a caring community. But we also need to meet each other by living Jewishly to reconnect ourselves to our roots and our spirituality and to each other.
CE21 has worked for three years and we’re ready to implement WITH YOUR HELP AND SUPPORT some fun, exciting and holy experiences for all ages
Show cards – didn’t pick up on your way in … fold down on your way out
Sukkah Raising – need help putting up your sukkah… we’ve got a team to help
Shabbat Guests – want to make a friend … break bread together
If you can stomach eating and talking with someone … bond
Invite people to your home to share Shabbat meal… teach how to enjoy at least one meal a week when we slow down, don’t rush, and eat and talk about life
Personalizing our Directory with Pictures – enhance with pictures
Shabbaton/Retreat –
Immersion experience: camp, USY, - live Jewishly – create lasting positive connection
Spend a day living, eating, learning, praying, schmoozing, playing…
Le Dor Vador Shabbat –
For a number of years we’ve celebrated a Grandparents Shabbat
But we have lots of grandparents whose grandchildren are not around or who don’t have grandchildren. Kind of intergenerational programming that is what community is about
Expanded Round the Table
Last year through the RS families did Jewish learning together with text and activities coordinated by the School – opportunity to do and to learn together
Not only for RS students and families- but for all ages and backgrounds to experience and learn together
Bracha University – On Jan 22 with BSO we’re going back to enjoy our old University Model of Learning. Dozen of workshops by age and by family – cognitive, experiential, food, doing… learning about blessings to use our daily lives
Ushers/Greeters: for many years we’ve had a friendly face say hello and help you when you come to Friday Night and Saturday Morning Services. We need more people to help with putting a welcoming face on coming to our community and to empower those who volunteer to know and feel comfortable with what they’re doing
CE21 Taskforce Members Stand. Stop for a minute … fold down … ask a question….
Volunteer Pledge Cards explanation…
So this is my wish for our synagogue: In this coming year may whoever comes in here, wherever they may come from, and for whatever reason they may come here, may they enter as strangers and may they leave as friends. For if we can achieve that, if we can create the kind of synagogue where the stranger is welcomed when he arrives, but where the stranger leaves as a friend, then I believe that this synagogue will grow and prosper, that it will have no financial problems and that it will be in truth a Jewish CENTER, a place where people will come on their spiritual quest, and to meet each other, and it will be a place where God’s Presence will delight to dwell.
And my second wish is for each one of you is this: May you acquire a friend in the only way that anyone ever acquires a friend, which is by being a friend. Because, if you do, I promise you: your joys will be twice as sweet, and your troubles will be half as heavy. I ask you to acquire a friend—by being a friend, because if you do, your life will have meaning, and your days will be blessed. This is my wish for you today.
And if you don’t believe me, then listen to the words of my friend, Talya, who taught me by the way she thought and thought and thought before she threw her penny into the fountain, that friendship counts for so much in life.
I wish you a good year, a year of friendship between you and me, and between each other, and between us and our Parent who is in heaven.
I wish you a good year, a year in which there will come true for us the words that we say on the eve of every new month, but don't need to say on Rosh Hodesh Tishrai because it is already understood:
Haverim kol yisrael. - May all of Israel be friends. And to this, let us all say: Amen.
Let me tell you the story of a person from whom I learned a lesson this year. Her name is Talya Glazer, and she is a member of the pre-school class of the Jewish Community Center of Harrison, New York.
Harrison is an upper middle class community that is located in Westchester County, not far from White Plains and Scarsdale. Talya is a rabbi’s daughter, and she taught me a very important lesson.
Rabbi Glazer and his wife have a custom that many other parents have as well. Whenever they go for a walk with their daughter, and they pass a fountain, they give Talya a penny, and they tell her to throw the coin into the fountain and make a wish. They did that one day this year, they passed a fountain, and so they gave Talya a penny and they told her to throw it into the fountain and make a wish, say a prayer.
She thought, and she thought, and she prayed, but did not throw the coin into the fountain. A minute went by, two minutes went by, three minutes went by and still she did not throw the penny into the fountain. They could see that she was thinking very hard. And then finally, finally, finally, she threw the coin into the fountain.
Her parents asked Talya: What took you so long? And what did you finally wish for? What did you pray for? And she told them: She said: I was concentrating so long and thinking so hard, because I really, really, really wanted my wish to come true. They asked her: so what was your wish? And she said: I wished that I could see my friend, Eddie.
Eddie was Talya’s best friend. They went to the same Pre-School together in Harrison. But Eddie & his parents recently moved from Harrison to Philadelphia, & Talya missed Eddie very much. And so she held on to that penny for a long time, and then she threw it into the fountain. And the wish was that she could see Eddie again sometime soon.
Now I ask you: What do you do when your child makes a wish like that? Her parents looked at each other, and they both had the same thought at the same time. And so, when they got home, they called Eddie’s parents in Philadelphia, and invited them to come back to Harrison for Tot Shabbat. And they invited them to stay at their home, so that Talya and Eddie could have the play date that they both wanted to have so much.
When I heard that story, I learned from Talya the power of friendship. In contrast, you probably know the story of Mark Zuckerberg who founded Facebook of how he is now one of the richest men in the world, but has lost almost all the friends he had before his amazing business success. But in some ways Talya is richer than he, because he may have invented Facebook and the social network, but he himself had no friends, whereas Talya had only a penny, but she was fortunate enough to have a real friend. And therefore, I think that in some ways she is richer.
At its best that is what Kehilat Shalom has meant. We made friends who supported us in hard times and celebrated with us at simchas. When we needed a friend we had a circle of friends who had been through the ups and downs of life with us. Many of us still have those kinds of connections and for those who do not yet enjoy that core experience I’ll have some suggestions in a few moments.
There is another kind of friendship that is about conversation. We all have friends we trust to listen and shmooze and advice us. We have circles of people we enjoy learning with and from. We have havurot after services or on pick up from schools with whom we share our thoughts and feelings. We are not alone in our common quest for not just social connection, but open and honest conversation.
But there is another level of friendship conversation, which has been damaged, in the past year. One of the things that joins us a human beings in sacred quest for Jewish meaning is a shared vision of the future for our community. It’s friends who share an outlook on life.
That’s what so much of today’s liturgy reflects. From the rituals, to the words of the confession and prayers of forgiveness, it’s not about me, it’s always “WE”. Yom Kippur is a day of AT-ONE-MENT. It is not simply a matter of saying 'I'm sorry' and resolving not to sin anymore. It's a day on which we're challenged to reconnect with God, with family, and with one another. It is a day when we become a community, united by our weaknesses and strengths. In prayer and confession, we become each other's advocates. It is not our own sins for which we seek forgiveness but the sins and failings of those sitting around us. The most common word in the Yom Kippur liturgy is "WE."
But we've lost how to be a community. There was a time, not so long ago, when the emphasis in Jewish life was on peoplehood. Our parents and grandparents may have had doubts about faith and observance but they knew who they were and to what people belong. They didn’t just build houses of worship - they built "community centers" like the "Kehilat Shalom." Then, there was a sense that Jews around the world shared a common destiny, or at least a common enemy. In 80s, a quarter million Jews descended on Washington, DC and half a million in NY for a mass rallies calling on the Soviet Union to allow unrestricted emigration of Jews. I don’t think we could do that today.
The High Holy Days may be the last bastion of communal solidarity. We come here to be with one another on a day of AT-ONE-MENT. There's something powerful that happens when we come together in prayer and celebration during the Yamim Noraim. We see old friends. We reconnect with something larger than ourselves. We feel a sense of warmth and community as we raise our voices in song and prayer together. We speak of shared values and visions.
But community can't exist once or twice a year, or only when it's convenient. You have to sign on and be a constant part of the community for the community to be part of you. Either you're an active member of the community or not, either you're part of the Jewish people or not. There must be give and take.
How do we re-create that shared dream of a thriving, loving community? I spoke on RH of the governance tasks needed to continue to be a caring community. But we also need to meet each other by living Jewishly to reconnect ourselves to our roots and our spirituality and to each other.
CE21 has worked for three years and we’re ready to implement WITH YOUR HELP AND SUPPORT some fun, exciting and holy experiences for all ages
Show cards – didn’t pick up on your way in … fold down on your way out
Sukkah Raising – need help putting up your sukkah… we’ve got a team to help
Shabbat Guests – want to make a friend … break bread together
If you can stomach eating and talking with someone … bond
Invite people to your home to share Shabbat meal… teach how to enjoy at least one meal a week when we slow down, don’t rush, and eat and talk about life
Personalizing our Directory with Pictures – enhance with pictures
Shabbaton/Retreat –
Immersion experience: camp, USY, - live Jewishly – create lasting positive connection
Spend a day living, eating, learning, praying, schmoozing, playing…
Le Dor Vador Shabbat –
For a number of years we’ve celebrated a Grandparents Shabbat
But we have lots of grandparents whose grandchildren are not around or who don’t have grandchildren. Kind of intergenerational programming that is what community is about
Expanded Round the Table
Last year through the RS families did Jewish learning together with text and activities coordinated by the School – opportunity to do and to learn together
Not only for RS students and families- but for all ages and backgrounds to experience and learn together
Bracha University – On Jan 22 with BSO we’re going back to enjoy our old University Model of Learning. Dozen of workshops by age and by family – cognitive, experiential, food, doing… learning about blessings to use our daily lives
Ushers/Greeters: for many years we’ve had a friendly face say hello and help you when you come to Friday Night and Saturday Morning Services. We need more people to help with putting a welcoming face on coming to our community and to empower those who volunteer to know and feel comfortable with what they’re doing
CE21 Taskforce Members Stand. Stop for a minute … fold down … ask a question….
Volunteer Pledge Cards explanation…
So this is my wish for our synagogue: In this coming year may whoever comes in here, wherever they may come from, and for whatever reason they may come here, may they enter as strangers and may they leave as friends. For if we can achieve that, if we can create the kind of synagogue where the stranger is welcomed when he arrives, but where the stranger leaves as a friend, then I believe that this synagogue will grow and prosper, that it will have no financial problems and that it will be in truth a Jewish CENTER, a place where people will come on their spiritual quest, and to meet each other, and it will be a place where God’s Presence will delight to dwell.
And my second wish is for each one of you is this: May you acquire a friend in the only way that anyone ever acquires a friend, which is by being a friend. Because, if you do, I promise you: your joys will be twice as sweet, and your troubles will be half as heavy. I ask you to acquire a friend—by being a friend, because if you do, your life will have meaning, and your days will be blessed. This is my wish for you today.
And if you don’t believe me, then listen to the words of my friend, Talya, who taught me by the way she thought and thought and thought before she threw her penny into the fountain, that friendship counts for so much in life.
I wish you a good year, a year of friendship between you and me, and between each other, and between us and our Parent who is in heaven.
I wish you a good year, a year in which there will come true for us the words that we say on the eve of every new month, but don't need to say on Rosh Hodesh Tishrai because it is already understood:
Haverim kol yisrael. - May all of Israel be friends. And to this, let us all say: Amen.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Rosh Hashanah Sermon - Second Day
Rosh Hashanah 2nd Day 5722 (Thanks to Rabbi Jack Reimer)
One of the things I always do as the High Holy Days draws near to look back over the main events of the year and see if I can find any lessons in them that will help us live in the new year.
This morning, I want to remind you of one event that occurred this past year, last October, that you may not have seen and if you did have probably forgotten. When it occurred, it made every newspaper in the country, but then, after a few days it faded from our memories. In a month, the story was almost forgotten. But, the story has stayed in my mind, and so, I want to study it with you today.
It is the story of two prominent, highly educated and very successful women, and the mistake that they both made. The first is Virginia Thomas, the wife of Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas. And the second is Anita Hill, who is a member of the faculty at Brandeis University.
Twenty years ago, the whole world knew their names. Anita Hill was the woman who testified against Clarence Thomas when he was being considered by the Senate for the position on the Supreme Court. She made terrible accusations against him, which he denied. And the story of those accusations that she made were in every newspaper in the world.
Finally, Clarence Thomas was approved. And that was the last we heard about this matter until this year. And then, this year, Mrs. Clarence Thomas did a very strange thing. For some reason, I don’t know why, Mrs. Thomas called Anita Hill this year. She called her at 7:00 in the morning on a Saturday. And she called her, not at her home, but at her office. Surely she knew that the odds were very slight that she would be in her office at such an hour, but that is what she did.
And when no one answered, she left this message on the machine. “Good morning, Ms. Hill. This is Virginia Thomas calling. I just wanted to reach across the years and ask you to consider making an apology for what you did to my husband. So give it some thought, would you, please? Ok. Have a nice day.”
My guess and it is only a guess, I don’t claim to know, is that the reason Mrs. Thomas chose to call Anita Hill at her office on seven o’clock in the morning on a Saturday was because she did not want to speak to her directly. She probably felt it would be easier to leave a message on her machine than it would have been to speak to her in person. I can understand that. You and I have probably done the same thing on occasion, haven’t we? Sometimes, it is easier to write a letter or to send an e-mail or to leave a message that it is to confront someone directly. Isn’t that so? But for whatever reason, that is what she did.
My question to you today is: Did she do the right thing in reaching out to the woman who had made an awful accusation against her husband more than twenty years ago or not? Before you answer that question, let me tell you what happened next.
Ms. Hill came into her office on Monday morning, and heard the message. And do you know what she did? She reacted by contacting the campus police department, which in turn notified the FBI, and from there, the story of what happened went to the newspapers.
I ask you: If the caller had threatened her life, then I think she would have been justified in calling the police. But in this case, there was no threat; there was no danger, just a message from a woman who lived in Washington, many miles away from Boston. And in the call she made no threats, and she made no warnings. All she did was ask for an apology.
By going to the police, what did Anita Hill accomplish?? She only made the event into a news story, a story that was in every newspaper in the world for a day or two, before it faded away.
Who are these two women? Virginia Thomas is a wealthy and a successful woman. She is active in many political causes. To the best of my knowledge, she has a good marriage. And Anita Hall is also a very successful woman. She is a tenured professor at a major university. She has written some very substantive articles in her field of expertise.
And yet, I must tell you that I feel sorry for them both. I feel sorry for both of them because, even though more than twenty years have gone by, the two of them are evidently still obsessed by what happened. Even though the world has almost forgotten what happened back then, Virginia Thomas and Anita Hill are evidently still preoccupied with the scandal that they were involved in so many years ago. What happened more than twenty years ago is evidently still a festering sore that continues to pain them. And so, one made the mistake of bringing the matter up again, in a way that did no good. And the other made the mistake of publicizing what she did, in a way that did no good.
And what did they accomplish by doing that? They only succeeded in reminding us of an embarrassing incident that is better forgotten, for all our sakes.
Why do I talk about this matter today? After all, neither Virginia Thomas nor Anita Hill is here today to hear what I have to say?
I do so, because you and I are here, and I think that most of us have made the same mistake on occasion that these two people made this year. Who among us does not carry inside us the memory of some incident in which someone hurt us, for no good reason? And who among us has had the wisdom to put that incident behind us, and to let the past be past?
How do we make it better and find a way to move on? Part of the answer is that we do need time to grieve. I do. Many of us have invested hours and hours and our souls toward the right direction for our community and some of us have not seen those dreams bear fruit. We need to move forward together but some of us are just going to need some more time. I would ask everyone to consider: if your vote had been cast with the minority, how would you feel and how much time would you need to work again for the future?
Before we’re ready to put the past behind us we should always first seek forgiveness and that’s what I want to do now in two steps. First, it has been a difficult year for me professionally and more so personally. That does not excuse any act or word that I may have expressed that was hurtful to anyone. As a symbolical step I’d like to apologize to anyone I have caused pain or embarrassment. That is not a true apology, though. I have spoken to a few people who I may have injured with words this year. If you are someone that I have hurt with anger, or hearsay or flip uncaring remark, please give me a call or email in the next few days. I’d like to make a direct confession of regret and hope to not repeat the inappropriate behavior before Yom Kippur so that I can cleanse myself as much as humanly possible before the Day of Atonement.
I also know that some people will be afraid to contact me. So I return to the earlier them about our quest during these Holy Days for healing. There is a key section of the Mussaf that is called Zichronot. And in that section, there is a passage that says: Ata zocher kol hanishkachot. You remember all that we forget. I always thought that means that the things we do wrong that we forget about, God remembers. God writes them in a book and God confronts us with them on Rosh Hashanah.
But perhaps Ata zocher kol hanishkachot has another meaning. Perhaps it means that God remembers all the times when we were insulted or when we were criticized, or when we were treated badly and we forgot about it. That … God remembers, to our credit. The fact that we don’t spend our lives brooding over the things that were done to us, but that, instead, we get over them, and go on with our lives, THAT is what God remembers on our behalf on the Day of Judgment.
Let me tell you of an experience from some years ago. When I was in an former congregation, I got a call that one of our members was in the hospital, and that he was going to have surgery. So I went to see him as soon as he could. I walked into this patient’s room, and, much to my surprise, the man began to cry. I asked him why he was crying, and this is what he said, “That you would come to see me after what I did to you? I can’t believe it.”
I asked him what he meant, and he said, “Don’t you remember. You came to the board once with a proposal. And I was one of those who spoke against it. I ridiculed your idea, and said that it would never work. And thanks to me, your proposal was turned down by the board. And now, you come to see me? After what I did to you?” And he cried.
I must tell you that I am not a great saint, but even then my memory is not what it used to be. And I honestly did not remember the incident. If I had, who knows? Perhaps I might have been a little late going to see him, or I might have been a little bit less effective in praying for him, but I really didn’t remember. And that made it easier for me to live with and to work with this man all the years that we were in the same synagogue together. Whereas he had to live all those years with the feeling that perhaps he had hurt me or insulted me, or that I was mad at him. There are times when it is good to have a bad memory, and this was surely such a time.
And so, this is my wish for you as the new year begins: May you have, not only a good memory for all the blessings that you receive in your life, but may you also have a good forgettery for all the painful things that you receive in your life. May you have a good memory for all the joyous moments that you experience in your life, and may you have a good forgettery for all the slights and hurts and insults that you experience in your life.
And may this year be a year of happiness, healing and peace for us all.
One of the things I always do as the High Holy Days draws near to look back over the main events of the year and see if I can find any lessons in them that will help us live in the new year.
This morning, I want to remind you of one event that occurred this past year, last October, that you may not have seen and if you did have probably forgotten. When it occurred, it made every newspaper in the country, but then, after a few days it faded from our memories. In a month, the story was almost forgotten. But, the story has stayed in my mind, and so, I want to study it with you today.
It is the story of two prominent, highly educated and very successful women, and the mistake that they both made. The first is Virginia Thomas, the wife of Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas. And the second is Anita Hill, who is a member of the faculty at Brandeis University.
Twenty years ago, the whole world knew their names. Anita Hill was the woman who testified against Clarence Thomas when he was being considered by the Senate for the position on the Supreme Court. She made terrible accusations against him, which he denied. And the story of those accusations that she made were in every newspaper in the world.
Finally, Clarence Thomas was approved. And that was the last we heard about this matter until this year. And then, this year, Mrs. Clarence Thomas did a very strange thing. For some reason, I don’t know why, Mrs. Thomas called Anita Hill this year. She called her at 7:00 in the morning on a Saturday. And she called her, not at her home, but at her office. Surely she knew that the odds were very slight that she would be in her office at such an hour, but that is what she did.
And when no one answered, she left this message on the machine. “Good morning, Ms. Hill. This is Virginia Thomas calling. I just wanted to reach across the years and ask you to consider making an apology for what you did to my husband. So give it some thought, would you, please? Ok. Have a nice day.”
My guess and it is only a guess, I don’t claim to know, is that the reason Mrs. Thomas chose to call Anita Hill at her office on seven o’clock in the morning on a Saturday was because she did not want to speak to her directly. She probably felt it would be easier to leave a message on her machine than it would have been to speak to her in person. I can understand that. You and I have probably done the same thing on occasion, haven’t we? Sometimes, it is easier to write a letter or to send an e-mail or to leave a message that it is to confront someone directly. Isn’t that so? But for whatever reason, that is what she did.
My question to you today is: Did she do the right thing in reaching out to the woman who had made an awful accusation against her husband more than twenty years ago or not? Before you answer that question, let me tell you what happened next.
Ms. Hill came into her office on Monday morning, and heard the message. And do you know what she did? She reacted by contacting the campus police department, which in turn notified the FBI, and from there, the story of what happened went to the newspapers.
I ask you: If the caller had threatened her life, then I think she would have been justified in calling the police. But in this case, there was no threat; there was no danger, just a message from a woman who lived in Washington, many miles away from Boston. And in the call she made no threats, and she made no warnings. All she did was ask for an apology.
By going to the police, what did Anita Hill accomplish?? She only made the event into a news story, a story that was in every newspaper in the world for a day or two, before it faded away.
Who are these two women? Virginia Thomas is a wealthy and a successful woman. She is active in many political causes. To the best of my knowledge, she has a good marriage. And Anita Hall is also a very successful woman. She is a tenured professor at a major university. She has written some very substantive articles in her field of expertise.
And yet, I must tell you that I feel sorry for them both. I feel sorry for both of them because, even though more than twenty years have gone by, the two of them are evidently still obsessed by what happened. Even though the world has almost forgotten what happened back then, Virginia Thomas and Anita Hill are evidently still preoccupied with the scandal that they were involved in so many years ago. What happened more than twenty years ago is evidently still a festering sore that continues to pain them. And so, one made the mistake of bringing the matter up again, in a way that did no good. And the other made the mistake of publicizing what she did, in a way that did no good.
And what did they accomplish by doing that? They only succeeded in reminding us of an embarrassing incident that is better forgotten, for all our sakes.
Why do I talk about this matter today? After all, neither Virginia Thomas nor Anita Hill is here today to hear what I have to say?
I do so, because you and I are here, and I think that most of us have made the same mistake on occasion that these two people made this year. Who among us does not carry inside us the memory of some incident in which someone hurt us, for no good reason? And who among us has had the wisdom to put that incident behind us, and to let the past be past?
How do we make it better and find a way to move on? Part of the answer is that we do need time to grieve. I do. Many of us have invested hours and hours and our souls toward the right direction for our community and some of us have not seen those dreams bear fruit. We need to move forward together but some of us are just going to need some more time. I would ask everyone to consider: if your vote had been cast with the minority, how would you feel and how much time would you need to work again for the future?
Before we’re ready to put the past behind us we should always first seek forgiveness and that’s what I want to do now in two steps. First, it has been a difficult year for me professionally and more so personally. That does not excuse any act or word that I may have expressed that was hurtful to anyone. As a symbolical step I’d like to apologize to anyone I have caused pain or embarrassment. That is not a true apology, though. I have spoken to a few people who I may have injured with words this year. If you are someone that I have hurt with anger, or hearsay or flip uncaring remark, please give me a call or email in the next few days. I’d like to make a direct confession of regret and hope to not repeat the inappropriate behavior before Yom Kippur so that I can cleanse myself as much as humanly possible before the Day of Atonement.
I also know that some people will be afraid to contact me. So I return to the earlier them about our quest during these Holy Days for healing. There is a key section of the Mussaf that is called Zichronot. And in that section, there is a passage that says: Ata zocher kol hanishkachot. You remember all that we forget. I always thought that means that the things we do wrong that we forget about, God remembers. God writes them in a book and God confronts us with them on Rosh Hashanah.
But perhaps Ata zocher kol hanishkachot has another meaning. Perhaps it means that God remembers all the times when we were insulted or when we were criticized, or when we were treated badly and we forgot about it. That … God remembers, to our credit. The fact that we don’t spend our lives brooding over the things that were done to us, but that, instead, we get over them, and go on with our lives, THAT is what God remembers on our behalf on the Day of Judgment.
Let me tell you of an experience from some years ago. When I was in an former congregation, I got a call that one of our members was in the hospital, and that he was going to have surgery. So I went to see him as soon as he could. I walked into this patient’s room, and, much to my surprise, the man began to cry. I asked him why he was crying, and this is what he said, “That you would come to see me after what I did to you? I can’t believe it.”
I asked him what he meant, and he said, “Don’t you remember. You came to the board once with a proposal. And I was one of those who spoke against it. I ridiculed your idea, and said that it would never work. And thanks to me, your proposal was turned down by the board. And now, you come to see me? After what I did to you?” And he cried.
I must tell you that I am not a great saint, but even then my memory is not what it used to be. And I honestly did not remember the incident. If I had, who knows? Perhaps I might have been a little late going to see him, or I might have been a little bit less effective in praying for him, but I really didn’t remember. And that made it easier for me to live with and to work with this man all the years that we were in the same synagogue together. Whereas he had to live all those years with the feeling that perhaps he had hurt me or insulted me, or that I was mad at him. There are times when it is good to have a bad memory, and this was surely such a time.
And so, this is my wish for you as the new year begins: May you have, not only a good memory for all the blessings that you receive in your life, but may you also have a good forgettery for all the painful things that you receive in your life. May you have a good memory for all the joyous moments that you experience in your life, and may you have a good forgettery for all the slights and hurts and insults that you experience in your life.
And may this year be a year of happiness, healing and peace for us all.
Rosh Hashanah Sermon - First Day
Rosh Hashanah 1 (Thanks to Rabbi Mark Mallach)
Earlier today we read from the Torah about the birth of Yitzhak. Our ancestor, Avraham, now heads a seemingly happy family: a son from his beloved Sara and the older son, Yishmael, born to Haggar. For Avraham, life must be good. However, just three years later, the Torah relates that Sara sees the son of Hagar at play, and the exact nature of what Yishmael was doing is left undefined, but Sara’s reaction is visceral. She says to Avraham: GA`RESH HA`AH`MA HA`ZOT V`ET B`NAH – CAST OUT THAT SLAVEWOMAN AND HER SON! (Gen. 21:9).
We are left to ponder, what, caused this seemingly idyllic family picture to be torn apart by such hatred, such enmity? Where does such hatred come from to change a person from being part of the family to being an enemy of the family? And, how long can it last?
Someone asked me not long ago if I have enemies. The question caught me by surprise; I couldn’t think of anyone who fits that horrible category and responded: “I don’t think so, but I’m sure there must be some people who don’t like me.” I’ll ask all of you the same question: do you have enemies? Think about it, is there someone you really dislike, just can’t stand, whom you consider to be your sworn enemy? Or, is there someone whom you know that really dislikes you?
A true story: “Thirty-seven years ago, in the Vietnam War, Dan Cherry was piloting an American F-4 Phantom fighter plane --- and actual cockpit voice recordings tell what Dan heard on his radio. "There's a MiG… Go get 'em, Dan..." And Dan did go get 'em. Life and death … an enemy.
Dan saw the MiG go down in flames and the pilot ejecting and his parachute opening. Decades later, he would think back and wonder...(about) the fate of the MiG pilot…(did) he … survive … was he OK… did he have a family?... But Dan did more than wonder. / He did some research and learned that the pilot …had survived.
(Dan then arranged for the two former enemies to meet, and) … after all those years, … the two had a very firm handshake (and each said)… I hope that we can be friends...'" (Dan was invited to his former enemy’s home), where he met the family and got to hold his little grandson. Cherry said, "And I held him in my arms. It was a special thing and I thought to myself, 'How quickly has trust developed between the two of us...'" …Imagine... "To be able to actually meet the guy I fought a life-and-death duel with --- to be able to put all that behind us --- it was the right thing to do..." Thirty-seven years --- maybe time does heal old wounds."
I heard this story on WCBS radio, it is from the segment The Osgood File; it is an amazing story of reconciliation. But, it is a rarity. Reconciliation is hard to achieve and the consequences of enmity, of harboring hatred can be so severe.
We have been through a gut-wrenching year at Kehilat Shalom. From my perspective it began with the illness and death of Larry Froehlich. We’ve coped with that sad loss, but our community was diminished. A little more than a year ago, the leadership of the synagogue made the commitment of time and serious money to implement truly cutting-edge publicity in the larger community for enrollment in our ECC [40,000 professional looking post cards] and the failure of that PR … was a devastating moment of realization, that change was absolutely necessary for the wellbeing of Kehilat Shalom. Kehilat Shalom has changed because the world around us changed.
We as a community have done a lot of thinking starting around the first of the year about the direction for our sacred community. We have all mourned, verbalized pain and anger and tried to understand and figure out the best way to continue our camaraderie and this place that binds us together and to God.
It has been an excruciating debate for everyone who participated in our reflections and arguments throughout the summer. I knew there would be pain and grief. How could we consider the future of our community as it goes through change without serious disagreement? The real hard questions in our lives are always wrenching. But there was an anger beyond mourning on both sides of the divide. At its core those who voted to seek the merger were saying we want KS to continue as the holy place where our children have a dynamic community to learn and can enjoy the great experiences we had in our shul. That is threatened by the demographic and social realities of today. And at its core the majority who wanted to remain in this our place were saying it’s too much to give up now. We love this place for its beauty and the community that shares it and we have some time. We need time to figure out what is best. And if people were angry on both sides of this debate …. it truly demonstrates how much Kehilat Shalom meant to everyone who spoke. And we articulated the pain and frustration rooted in those two different stories and visions.
I know that anger because I felt it and could barely control my own emotions and words. It took everything I had to not lose it and if a handful of others could not stop themselves from articulating everything they thought and felt… I am not ready to condone or excuse things that have been said… but knowing how close I came to saying something similar… I do understand.
I’m not going to play Monday Morning Quarterback and analyze what we could have done differently. There are a number of things that I know now that I never had experience with before, but I hope I never have to go through something like these past months.
I do have a couple of regrets.
First, I’m sorry that my long-standing plans to stop being in the pulpit fulltime expedited the process for deciding our strategic direction. I wish we could have given the whole congregation more time to feel through and think through where we are and where we need to go… but the necessity of hiring my successor, to put together a Search team and do the Search process internally and then interviewing candidates has to begin soon after these holidays. And I am glad that we have this season of forgiveness and self-renewal to begin the process of healing.
Second, if I could change one thing: I would have informed the congregation sooner and more clearly of the challenge we were facing. We had written a couple of pieces over the past two years and if I could do it over we would have circulated them. It would have eased the shock sooner for many of us so that we could move through the pain to what we thought was best sooner.
Last, as is so often the case, I wish I personally had spent even more time on the communication to you, our members. More important than all the hard work figuring out what we would look like merging or staying and all the papers that were written … was to listen and let everyone know they were heard. We knew the story we were telling was going to be a shock, we knew there would be grief and anger. We set up meetings to enable those feelings to be heard… We needed many more small meetings where everyone could painfully but calmly, sort through the information and the real choices. If I had to do it over again, I would personally have done more of those kinds of meetings. //
One of my favorite movies about community is “Remember the Titans.” In 1971 in Alexandria, Virginia, at the desegregated T. C. Williams High School, an African American head coach is hired to lead the school's football team. Coach Boone takes the coaching position from current white, head coach Bill Yoast (Will Patton), The new coach, Herman Boone (portrayed by Denzel Washington), is black, and his team is a mixture of black players and white players. The struggles that arise from the racial diversity are profound. / The black and white athletes of the football team frequently clash in racially motivated conflicts at their football camp, including those between captain Gerry Bertier (Ryan Hurst) and Julius Campbell (Wood Harris). However, after forceful coaxing and rigorous athletic training by Boone, the team achieves both racial harmony and triumph. Subsequently, the Titans go through the season undefeated while battling racial prejudice, before slowly gaining support from the community. / Ten years later, the coaches and athletes from the team reunite to attend Bertier's funeral, as Yost’s daughter, Sheryl reiterates the message of racial equality and community taught by the Titans.
In the movie a divided community was brought together to play football and in the course of time provided a partial pathway to the larger community to accept the cultural change of the 60s and 70s.
(at KN I’ll talk about the creative tasks)
Today – I want to spend a few minutes on the things, a few of the tasks for this year we need to do together … If we want a future as a community we will, like the TC Williams Football team, have to come together or we will not enjoy a future. They’re all biggies.
First we need to work together to refine and implement the ideas of the Stay Independent document. There are lots of great dreams of how to govern better, learn together better, reach inward and outward to our community better. When we come together and implement a few of these activities … we as a community can revitalize the relationships that are at the core of what Kehilat Shalom has and does stand for.
Second, as you know, CE21 has been working for three years to create a new model of learning for all ages and backgrounds. We did some low hanging fruit last year. We have plans for 5-6 fun and exciting activities this year. Sneak preview: expanding the “Around the Table” program last year where outside of the school, families do focused Jewish experiential learning together and this year we will not be limited to RS families. / In January we will share a Bracha University with Bnai Shalom of Olney, dozens of workshops by age or for families about experiencing and using blessings in our lives. / And a Shabbat “guests” program - families inviting other families and singles to their homes to share and learn the joys of Friday Night dinners. I will talk more about these plans at Kol Nidre and ask you to commit to joining us for at least one of these great experiences. Together we can build momentum to heal and reenergize Kehilat Shalom.
And crucially, we need to find my successor. First we need a committee to do the process. And that’s not just interviewing. We do need a conversation about what do we really want in my successor. No rabbi has everything (I certainly do not) although we’d all like to hire the Messiah. Do we want a great teacher of children or a great teacher of adults? Do we want a wonderful pastor or a fantastic preacher? Do want someone who will engage children, teens, adults – which one is the priority? When we do this rabbinical search process the right way, the new rabbi will have the opportunity to complete the healing which we begin today during this High Holiday Season.
If we can work together on these crucial tasks I think we may gain something equally important. Together, we will find our pathway first to healing and then to nurturing Kehilat Shalom for the coming years.
I remind you before I conclude that this process is not different in our personal lives. If you have not been conflicted, if you have not been angry with someone at work or home… it may be peaceful, but it’s probably the calm before a larger storm… because the changes of life create tensions and anxiety that stress even the best relationships. How do we cope with those stresses? – by working together to meet the challenges.
Sometimes, it may require a long time for this transformation, with set-backs, ups and downs, but it’s ok as long as we have faith in our inner strength to persevere. My colleague, Rabbi Naomi Levy, witnessed at the age of fifteen her father murdered before her; she endured a heart afflicted with bitter pain. She concludes her first book, “To Begin Again,” with the following words:
“In the years since my father’s death, I have learned to trust, to hope, and to laugh again. After my first marriage, I somehow learned to open my eyes, my heart, and my arms again. Throughout our lives we will, we should, feel the pain of our losses, the scars still present even after much time has passed. But we will also feel the strength of our spirit, the ability to persevere in the face of pain. The power to dream despite the many nightmares of existence. The stamina to push forward into the future carrying our past with us all the while. This is the power of God within us. This is our hope, our salvation. This is how we begin again. (p. 267)
Earlier today we read from the Torah about the birth of Yitzhak. Our ancestor, Avraham, now heads a seemingly happy family: a son from his beloved Sara and the older son, Yishmael, born to Haggar. For Avraham, life must be good. However, just three years later, the Torah relates that Sara sees the son of Hagar at play, and the exact nature of what Yishmael was doing is left undefined, but Sara’s reaction is visceral. She says to Avraham: GA`RESH HA`AH`MA HA`ZOT V`ET B`NAH – CAST OUT THAT SLAVEWOMAN AND HER SON! (Gen. 21:9).
We are left to ponder, what, caused this seemingly idyllic family picture to be torn apart by such hatred, such enmity? Where does such hatred come from to change a person from being part of the family to being an enemy of the family? And, how long can it last?
Someone asked me not long ago if I have enemies. The question caught me by surprise; I couldn’t think of anyone who fits that horrible category and responded: “I don’t think so, but I’m sure there must be some people who don’t like me.” I’ll ask all of you the same question: do you have enemies? Think about it, is there someone you really dislike, just can’t stand, whom you consider to be your sworn enemy? Or, is there someone whom you know that really dislikes you?
A true story: “Thirty-seven years ago, in the Vietnam War, Dan Cherry was piloting an American F-4 Phantom fighter plane --- and actual cockpit voice recordings tell what Dan heard on his radio. "There's a MiG… Go get 'em, Dan..." And Dan did go get 'em. Life and death … an enemy.
Dan saw the MiG go down in flames and the pilot ejecting and his parachute opening. Decades later, he would think back and wonder...(about) the fate of the MiG pilot…(did) he … survive … was he OK… did he have a family?... But Dan did more than wonder. / He did some research and learned that the pilot …had survived.
(Dan then arranged for the two former enemies to meet, and) … after all those years, … the two had a very firm handshake (and each said)… I hope that we can be friends...'" (Dan was invited to his former enemy’s home), where he met the family and got to hold his little grandson. Cherry said, "And I held him in my arms. It was a special thing and I thought to myself, 'How quickly has trust developed between the two of us...'" …Imagine... "To be able to actually meet the guy I fought a life-and-death duel with --- to be able to put all that behind us --- it was the right thing to do..." Thirty-seven years --- maybe time does heal old wounds."
I heard this story on WCBS radio, it is from the segment The Osgood File; it is an amazing story of reconciliation. But, it is a rarity. Reconciliation is hard to achieve and the consequences of enmity, of harboring hatred can be so severe.
We have been through a gut-wrenching year at Kehilat Shalom. From my perspective it began with the illness and death of Larry Froehlich. We’ve coped with that sad loss, but our community was diminished. A little more than a year ago, the leadership of the synagogue made the commitment of time and serious money to implement truly cutting-edge publicity in the larger community for enrollment in our ECC [40,000 professional looking post cards] and the failure of that PR … was a devastating moment of realization, that change was absolutely necessary for the wellbeing of Kehilat Shalom. Kehilat Shalom has changed because the world around us changed.
We as a community have done a lot of thinking starting around the first of the year about the direction for our sacred community. We have all mourned, verbalized pain and anger and tried to understand and figure out the best way to continue our camaraderie and this place that binds us together and to God.
It has been an excruciating debate for everyone who participated in our reflections and arguments throughout the summer. I knew there would be pain and grief. How could we consider the future of our community as it goes through change without serious disagreement? The real hard questions in our lives are always wrenching. But there was an anger beyond mourning on both sides of the divide. At its core those who voted to seek the merger were saying we want KS to continue as the holy place where our children have a dynamic community to learn and can enjoy the great experiences we had in our shul. That is threatened by the demographic and social realities of today. And at its core the majority who wanted to remain in this our place were saying it’s too much to give up now. We love this place for its beauty and the community that shares it and we have some time. We need time to figure out what is best. And if people were angry on both sides of this debate …. it truly demonstrates how much Kehilat Shalom meant to everyone who spoke. And we articulated the pain and frustration rooted in those two different stories and visions.
I know that anger because I felt it and could barely control my own emotions and words. It took everything I had to not lose it and if a handful of others could not stop themselves from articulating everything they thought and felt… I am not ready to condone or excuse things that have been said… but knowing how close I came to saying something similar… I do understand.
I’m not going to play Monday Morning Quarterback and analyze what we could have done differently. There are a number of things that I know now that I never had experience with before, but I hope I never have to go through something like these past months.
I do have a couple of regrets.
First, I’m sorry that my long-standing plans to stop being in the pulpit fulltime expedited the process for deciding our strategic direction. I wish we could have given the whole congregation more time to feel through and think through where we are and where we need to go… but the necessity of hiring my successor, to put together a Search team and do the Search process internally and then interviewing candidates has to begin soon after these holidays. And I am glad that we have this season of forgiveness and self-renewal to begin the process of healing.
Second, if I could change one thing: I would have informed the congregation sooner and more clearly of the challenge we were facing. We had written a couple of pieces over the past two years and if I could do it over we would have circulated them. It would have eased the shock sooner for many of us so that we could move through the pain to what we thought was best sooner.
Last, as is so often the case, I wish I personally had spent even more time on the communication to you, our members. More important than all the hard work figuring out what we would look like merging or staying and all the papers that were written … was to listen and let everyone know they were heard. We knew the story we were telling was going to be a shock, we knew there would be grief and anger. We set up meetings to enable those feelings to be heard… We needed many more small meetings where everyone could painfully but calmly, sort through the information and the real choices. If I had to do it over again, I would personally have done more of those kinds of meetings. //
One of my favorite movies about community is “Remember the Titans.” In 1971 in Alexandria, Virginia, at the desegregated T. C. Williams High School, an African American head coach is hired to lead the school's football team. Coach Boone takes the coaching position from current white, head coach Bill Yoast (Will Patton), The new coach, Herman Boone (portrayed by Denzel Washington), is black, and his team is a mixture of black players and white players. The struggles that arise from the racial diversity are profound. / The black and white athletes of the football team frequently clash in racially motivated conflicts at their football camp, including those between captain Gerry Bertier (Ryan Hurst) and Julius Campbell (Wood Harris). However, after forceful coaxing and rigorous athletic training by Boone, the team achieves both racial harmony and triumph. Subsequently, the Titans go through the season undefeated while battling racial prejudice, before slowly gaining support from the community. / Ten years later, the coaches and athletes from the team reunite to attend Bertier's funeral, as Yost’s daughter, Sheryl reiterates the message of racial equality and community taught by the Titans.
In the movie a divided community was brought together to play football and in the course of time provided a partial pathway to the larger community to accept the cultural change of the 60s and 70s.
(at KN I’ll talk about the creative tasks)
Today – I want to spend a few minutes on the things, a few of the tasks for this year we need to do together … If we want a future as a community we will, like the TC Williams Football team, have to come together or we will not enjoy a future. They’re all biggies.
First we need to work together to refine and implement the ideas of the Stay Independent document. There are lots of great dreams of how to govern better, learn together better, reach inward and outward to our community better. When we come together and implement a few of these activities … we as a community can revitalize the relationships that are at the core of what Kehilat Shalom has and does stand for.
Second, as you know, CE21 has been working for three years to create a new model of learning for all ages and backgrounds. We did some low hanging fruit last year. We have plans for 5-6 fun and exciting activities this year. Sneak preview: expanding the “Around the Table” program last year where outside of the school, families do focused Jewish experiential learning together and this year we will not be limited to RS families. / In January we will share a Bracha University with Bnai Shalom of Olney, dozens of workshops by age or for families about experiencing and using blessings in our lives. / And a Shabbat “guests” program - families inviting other families and singles to their homes to share and learn the joys of Friday Night dinners. I will talk more about these plans at Kol Nidre and ask you to commit to joining us for at least one of these great experiences. Together we can build momentum to heal and reenergize Kehilat Shalom.
And crucially, we need to find my successor. First we need a committee to do the process. And that’s not just interviewing. We do need a conversation about what do we really want in my successor. No rabbi has everything (I certainly do not) although we’d all like to hire the Messiah. Do we want a great teacher of children or a great teacher of adults? Do we want a wonderful pastor or a fantastic preacher? Do want someone who will engage children, teens, adults – which one is the priority? When we do this rabbinical search process the right way, the new rabbi will have the opportunity to complete the healing which we begin today during this High Holiday Season.
If we can work together on these crucial tasks I think we may gain something equally important. Together, we will find our pathway first to healing and then to nurturing Kehilat Shalom for the coming years.
I remind you before I conclude that this process is not different in our personal lives. If you have not been conflicted, if you have not been angry with someone at work or home… it may be peaceful, but it’s probably the calm before a larger storm… because the changes of life create tensions and anxiety that stress even the best relationships. How do we cope with those stresses? – by working together to meet the challenges.
Sometimes, it may require a long time for this transformation, with set-backs, ups and downs, but it’s ok as long as we have faith in our inner strength to persevere. My colleague, Rabbi Naomi Levy, witnessed at the age of fifteen her father murdered before her; she endured a heart afflicted with bitter pain. She concludes her first book, “To Begin Again,” with the following words:
“In the years since my father’s death, I have learned to trust, to hope, and to laugh again. After my first marriage, I somehow learned to open my eyes, my heart, and my arms again. Throughout our lives we will, we should, feel the pain of our losses, the scars still present even after much time has passed. But we will also feel the strength of our spirit, the ability to persevere in the face of pain. The power to dream despite the many nightmares of existence. The stamina to push forward into the future carrying our past with us all the while. This is the power of God within us. This is our hope, our salvation. This is how we begin again. (p. 267)
Friday, June 17, 2011
Options Kehilat Shalom Considered for the Future
Strategic Options for Kehilat Shalom's Future
Q. Why not stay as we are?
A. When Kehilat Shalom was 300 families we were able to support our infrastructure and program. Our shrinking number of members, Religious School children, and ECC children has created a structural deficit. Even with planned cuts to staff and program our income does not support our operation. The status quo is not sustainable.
Q. Do we really need to sell our Education Center?
A. At this time, the Education Center costs us about $70,000 a year to operate (part of the mortgage, utilities, etc.) The sale of the Rosenberg Center (anticipated to be over $1m) should enable to vastly reduce or pay off our mortgage for both buildings. Sale of the facility would mean the sad loss of our Early Childhood Center. We would need to rent space for our Religious School, if we opt to remain an independent congregation.
Q. Why not sell our present location and move North?
A. Our professional estimate of the value of our combined facility is around $4m+. Paying off our mortgage would leave us, depending on the actual sale amount, with $3m. With the cost of land and the cost of construction, our present numbers would not be able to afford constructing a new facility. At this time with the number of Jews in the Northern Part of the County, this was perceived by the Strategic Planning Committee to be too great a risk.
Q. After we sell our Education Center, could we remain in our present location?
A. With this sale, the influx of cash would enable to pay off our mortgage. With our present number of families, even as membership shrinks and ages, our financial balance sheet would be positive for around another decade.
This is a viable option. The Board, though, looking at the projections strongly felt that in this scenario, as we continue to grow smaller: our programs and activities will become moribund. School classes will become too small to have grade classes. Daily Minyan will become unsustainable. Shabbat & Holiday services will have very small crowds.
Some of our leaders are confident that a new rabbi and a new location with a revitalized Religious School could give us a boost in affiliation to extend the scenario of independence for more years.
If we vote not to create the new community, this option would be fleshed out and implemented.
Q. Why doesn’t Shaare Torah sell their facility and move to Montgomery Village?
A. In our conversations and research, we believe the continued growth/construction in the Lakelands, Route 28 corridor north, Crown Farms and Science Center offers a strong probability of Jewish families seeking to affiliate with a Conservative synagogue in those areas.
The Planning Committee also believes that the Lakelands area can serve as a hub/center for creating a dynamic center to serve all Jews in the Upcounty area.
Q. Can’t we keep both the Lakelands and the Montgomery Campus in a new community?
A. The cost of the mortgages and the operating expenses of two synagogue facilities are not possible within our present combined membership base.
Q. Why not sell both campuses and build a new one in Germantown or Clarksburg?
A. While there is a multi-million dollar equity in the Kehilat Shalom campus, Shaare Torah facility being recently constructed does not have sizable equity.
Also, we are not sure there is critical mass at this time in Clarksburg or Urbana to support a new facility with the probability of present members who would not travel to a northern location.
Q. Why not stay as we are?
A. When Kehilat Shalom was 300 families we were able to support our infrastructure and program. Our shrinking number of members, Religious School children, and ECC children has created a structural deficit. Even with planned cuts to staff and program our income does not support our operation. The status quo is not sustainable.
Q. Do we really need to sell our Education Center?
A. At this time, the Education Center costs us about $70,000 a year to operate (part of the mortgage, utilities, etc.) The sale of the Rosenberg Center (anticipated to be over $1m) should enable to vastly reduce or pay off our mortgage for both buildings. Sale of the facility would mean the sad loss of our Early Childhood Center. We would need to rent space for our Religious School, if we opt to remain an independent congregation.
Q. Why not sell our present location and move North?
A. Our professional estimate of the value of our combined facility is around $4m+. Paying off our mortgage would leave us, depending on the actual sale amount, with $3m. With the cost of land and the cost of construction, our present numbers would not be able to afford constructing a new facility. At this time with the number of Jews in the Northern Part of the County, this was perceived by the Strategic Planning Committee to be too great a risk.
Q. After we sell our Education Center, could we remain in our present location?
A. With this sale, the influx of cash would enable to pay off our mortgage. With our present number of families, even as membership shrinks and ages, our financial balance sheet would be positive for around another decade.
This is a viable option. The Board, though, looking at the projections strongly felt that in this scenario, as we continue to grow smaller: our programs and activities will become moribund. School classes will become too small to have grade classes. Daily Minyan will become unsustainable. Shabbat & Holiday services will have very small crowds.
Some of our leaders are confident that a new rabbi and a new location with a revitalized Religious School could give us a boost in affiliation to extend the scenario of independence for more years.
If we vote not to create the new community, this option would be fleshed out and implemented.
Q. Why doesn’t Shaare Torah sell their facility and move to Montgomery Village?
A. In our conversations and research, we believe the continued growth/construction in the Lakelands, Route 28 corridor north, Crown Farms and Science Center offers a strong probability of Jewish families seeking to affiliate with a Conservative synagogue in those areas.
The Planning Committee also believes that the Lakelands area can serve as a hub/center for creating a dynamic center to serve all Jews in the Upcounty area.
Q. Can’t we keep both the Lakelands and the Montgomery Campus in a new community?
A. The cost of the mortgages and the operating expenses of two synagogue facilities are not possible within our present combined membership base.
Q. Why not sell both campuses and build a new one in Germantown or Clarksburg?
A. While there is a multi-million dollar equity in the Kehilat Shalom campus, Shaare Torah facility being recently constructed does not have sizable equity.
Also, we are not sure there is critical mass at this time in Clarksburg or Urbana to support a new facility with the probability of present members who would not travel to a northern location.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
New Community Part 2 - Communication
Before I write what I had intended at the end of my last blog... I want to remind myself and everyone who reads this ... how important open, honest and heart-felt communication is regarding our future.
There is no one who can look at where Kehilat Shalom is going without pain and sadness. But we can talk about our pain and talk about our options without rancor. That is the central focus of this summer.
We are talking with Shaare Torah about our options for the future, the challenge doing things differently and being two successful separate communities. No one is sure that we can bridge our difference although we are hopefully that people of good faith and intelligence can create a vibrant community together.
We are also talking within Kehilat Shalom and trying to answer everyone's issues and raw feelings.
Change is hard. Losing something beloved is hard. We do have real choices and only together can we make the right choice.
If you contact us and we don't get back to you... PLEASE let someone else know. The most important thing we have to do this summer is listen and answer everyone's concerns.
There is no one who can look at where Kehilat Shalom is going without pain and sadness. But we can talk about our pain and talk about our options without rancor. That is the central focus of this summer.
We are talking with Shaare Torah about our options for the future, the challenge doing things differently and being two successful separate communities. No one is sure that we can bridge our difference although we are hopefully that people of good faith and intelligence can create a vibrant community together.
We are also talking within Kehilat Shalom and trying to answer everyone's issues and raw feelings.
Change is hard. Losing something beloved is hard. We do have real choices and only together can we make the right choice.
If you contact us and we don't get back to you... PLEASE let someone else know. The most important thing we have to do this summer is listen and answer everyone's concerns.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
New Community Recommendation Part 1
While I know that not only synagogue members read my blog, I want to reflect over a couple of postings about the strategic direction of Kehilat Shalom. For the past 7-8 years the congregation has been slowly shrinking. We knew that few families, if any, were moving into Montgomery Village, but we had hoped that the growth rate in Germantown and Clarksburg would sustain our community.
Starting nearly three years ago, an 'expanded' Executive Committee started doing "Strategic Planning." Most of our efforts were tactical - especially focused around Membership retention and outreach. Last summer, thousand of postcards were sent to residents of area including and around Montgomery Village about our Early Childhood Center. We gained 9 new families - but only two were Jewish children. An even larger mailing went out to an expanded area at the beginning of this year, but generated only tiny interest in our Nursery School. From these mailings, we have come to understand that there is not interest among the families that exist in our area, to participate in the programs and activities of Kehilat Shalom at this time.
Our Religious school has gone in my (15) years at KS from 311 to under 100, the ECC from a peak of 96 to 40, and our overall membership from a high of 358 to 260. The trend has been a net loss of membership of 10 members annually over the past decade. We do project some growth from the Clarksburg/Damascus area, when building resumes after the recession is complete, but not the kind of expansion which would give us a strong future. We don't envision any other construction or demographic changes leading to large "Jewish" growth in our part of the county.
The decision of the Board is already complete to sell our School Building in the summer of 2012. [It costs us $70,000 a year to operate our smaller facility] We anticipate that the cash from the sale could pay off the mortgage for our entire facility and leave money for some of the repairs that will be needed in the next 5 years.
This is the first realistic option for Kehilat Shalom. We can remain in place for at least five years with sufficient cash to support our present plant and program. As our membership ages and continues to shrink - there will be a point in time before the balance sheet becomes negative, when (we believe) critical mass will probably be lost and our school, social life, and worship become moribund.
Since no one can realistically plan beyond a five year window, this scenario is the first one offered to our congregation for the foreseeable future. This option offers continuity and keeping our wonderful Sanctuary/Social hall for the near future.
Next blog will be on the options we've considered to be non-feasible.
Starting nearly three years ago, an 'expanded' Executive Committee started doing "Strategic Planning." Most of our efforts were tactical - especially focused around Membership retention and outreach. Last summer, thousand of postcards were sent to residents of area including and around Montgomery Village about our Early Childhood Center. We gained 9 new families - but only two were Jewish children. An even larger mailing went out to an expanded area at the beginning of this year, but generated only tiny interest in our Nursery School. From these mailings, we have come to understand that there is not interest among the families that exist in our area, to participate in the programs and activities of Kehilat Shalom at this time.
Our Religious school has gone in my (15) years at KS from 311 to under 100, the ECC from a peak of 96 to 40, and our overall membership from a high of 358 to 260. The trend has been a net loss of membership of 10 members annually over the past decade. We do project some growth from the Clarksburg/Damascus area, when building resumes after the recession is complete, but not the kind of expansion which would give us a strong future. We don't envision any other construction or demographic changes leading to large "Jewish" growth in our part of the county.
The decision of the Board is already complete to sell our School Building in the summer of 2012. [It costs us $70,000 a year to operate our smaller facility] We anticipate that the cash from the sale could pay off the mortgage for our entire facility and leave money for some of the repairs that will be needed in the next 5 years.
This is the first realistic option for Kehilat Shalom. We can remain in place for at least five years with sufficient cash to support our present plant and program. As our membership ages and continues to shrink - there will be a point in time before the balance sheet becomes negative, when (we believe) critical mass will probably be lost and our school, social life, and worship become moribund.
Since no one can realistically plan beyond a five year window, this scenario is the first one offered to our congregation for the foreseeable future. This option offers continuity and keeping our wonderful Sanctuary/Social hall for the near future.
Next blog will be on the options we've considered to be non-feasible.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Passover is over
It's Isru Hag (the Day after a major holiday)!! I've still got to get the matzoh out of my system, but it was a nice yuntif. My son was home for both seders. We had normal "crowds" in shul for all the days of the holiday. I don't lead the 2md Night Community Seder, but the reviews on both the food and the service were excellent. My 5 minutes in the Passover Playdate with the ECC children - was energizing. Torah readings and sermons went OK. Overall it was the downtime that I needed. I'm not yet myself, but at least I got some physical rest (and read two books for me.) Now I have to get my body back into shape after 4 months with minimal exercising.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
I'm almost back
Well, it's 6 & 1/2 weeks since my mother died, three and half since my sister-in-law's passing and just over a week since my "uncle" passed away. In addition to several deaths within the Kehilat Shalom extended community - it's been a rough stretch. I've handled this amount of grief before in my 30 years as a rabbi, but never with three so close to home.
Looking back, I know I've been incredibly fortunate. The last death of someone truly close was my father's mother, which occurred in 1986. My father is doing amazingly well. I feel closer to my sisters ... who are beyond wonderful. Diane is doing pretty good and Tali's truly happy at School (and celebrated his 21st this past Sunday).
It's still hard to concentrate - I am really only productive for an hour or two a day. Minyan in the morning and the evening is a real comfort; as is all the support I've received and the slack people are cutting me. I find I'm looking forward to upcoming Bnai Mitzvah and weddings - trying to relocate the "balance in life" that I've almost always had and have lost in the past month. (And I'm really glad the cracks in the SW 737s were discovered after ... all the flights I've been on recently)
Looking back, I know I've been incredibly fortunate. The last death of someone truly close was my father's mother, which occurred in 1986. My father is doing amazingly well. I feel closer to my sisters ... who are beyond wonderful. Diane is doing pretty good and Tali's truly happy at School (and celebrated his 21st this past Sunday).
It's still hard to concentrate - I am really only productive for an hour or two a day. Minyan in the morning and the evening is a real comfort; as is all the support I've received and the slack people are cutting me. I find I'm looking forward to upcoming Bnai Mitzvah and weddings - trying to relocate the "balance in life" that I've almost always had and have lost in the past month. (And I'm really glad the cracks in the SW 737s were discovered after ... all the flights I've been on recently)
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Preparing for my mother's passing
I've made two visits to New York in the last week. My mother was diagnosed with severe liver disease near the end of the summer and last week was placed into the "Comfort Care" program at her Nursing Home in Montrose, NY. I was able to see her in the middle of last week when she was still conscious and it was wonderful to have her... despite extreme weakness, still be herself. There was a lot of good closure as we reflected on the love she gave and received throughout her life.
By Friday she had lapsed into semi-consciousness and we really thought the end was imminent. But she's still here and it's Wednesday. My family arrived Saturday night to help my dad and sisters with the vigil. She, still, after being moved every two hours opens her eyes and seems to blink in response to our talking to her. Then she glazes over and seems to sleep. We know she's still in there and so we keep talking and knowing she's listening to us. The time becomes even more precious, as difficult as it is.
So I'm back in Maryland for a few days, calling my sisters every couple of hours and finishing the loose ends for the funeral. I'm mostly numb already, with moments of clarity and brief moments of great sadness. I've been blessed, on so many levels and ways, by my mother through my 58 of her 82 years but I'm really going to miss her repeating herself, her indignation, her modesty, the forbidden-ness of cursing around her, and mostly her unconditional love...
By Friday she had lapsed into semi-consciousness and we really thought the end was imminent. But she's still here and it's Wednesday. My family arrived Saturday night to help my dad and sisters with the vigil. She, still, after being moved every two hours opens her eyes and seems to blink in response to our talking to her. Then she glazes over and seems to sleep. We know she's still in there and so we keep talking and knowing she's listening to us. The time becomes even more precious, as difficult as it is.
So I'm back in Maryland for a few days, calling my sisters every couple of hours and finishing the loose ends for the funeral. I'm mostly numb already, with moments of clarity and brief moments of great sadness. I've been blessed, on so many levels and ways, by my mother through my 58 of her 82 years but I'm really going to miss her repeating herself, her indignation, her modesty, the forbidden-ness of cursing around her, and mostly her unconditional love...
Friday, February 4, 2011
An Amazing Pastoral Moment
I paid a visit yesterday to a 93 year old member who is going into hospice today. I've known him for about three years since his son died. He's a really sweet, wonderful soul who despite the death of his first wife, which made him a single parent of two young boys and more recently the premature death of both of his sons, has an amazing, optimistic approach to life. We talked about his last days, things he'd like at his funeral, and then with relatively little prompting spoke about the joys of his life: his family growing up, hard work, his children and especially his wife of now 45 years. It's always amazing but when a life is full and rich (even with the lows) there is sometimes a calm acceptance. This kind man feels his life is complete and is accepting of whatever comes next.
Then the conversation flowed into what he wished had happened differently. He spoke about his sometimes rocky relationships with his own sons, which were fortunately partially healed before their untimely deaths. And then he started to talk about his regret that he wasn't close to his grandchildren; the personalities and experiences which made those family relationships so difficult. In this moment, the doorbell rings and his 40 year old grandson comes into the room. After introductions the conversation continues including the grandson ... both articulate regret, understanding of the realities of the past, and their love for each other. There was not a dry eye in the room.
Many people never find the words to say their sorry, if they had to do it again... they would have tried it another way and that they still truly love. You hear stories of those who are able to heal relationship just before the end. I got to share in one yesterday that has several more weeks of good conversation, precious times together and unconditional love.
Then the conversation flowed into what he wished had happened differently. He spoke about his sometimes rocky relationships with his own sons, which were fortunately partially healed before their untimely deaths. And then he started to talk about his regret that he wasn't close to his grandchildren; the personalities and experiences which made those family relationships so difficult. In this moment, the doorbell rings and his 40 year old grandson comes into the room. After introductions the conversation continues including the grandson ... both articulate regret, understanding of the realities of the past, and their love for each other. There was not a dry eye in the room.
Many people never find the words to say their sorry, if they had to do it again... they would have tried it another way and that they still truly love. You hear stories of those who are able to heal relationship just before the end. I got to share in one yesterday that has several more weeks of good conversation, precious times together and unconditional love.
Friday, January 28, 2011
Tzimtzum Professionally
Internet is back at work!
Last Shabbat we read triennial cycle for Yitro. I missed the Ten Commandments, but am always fascinated by Yitro/Jethro and his sage advice to Moses. Moses wanted to do it all! He had the most special connection to God and wanted to share it with everyone. But it can't be done... no one person can serve and touch everyone in a large community. Moses learns that he has to share his gift with others - to educate and facilitate for others to also be connectors to God.
It's a difficult and critical lesson for Moses the "First Rabbi" and almost all of us for the last 3000 years. We can set the tone, we can help with the major decisions, but we can't do it all. We have to train and inspire others to share the joys of study, worship and acts of justice and kindness. The more we empower others to do Jewishly for themselves, the more we can engage members and non-members around Jewish life, the richer and stronger our Jewish world will be. Less of the rabbi doing and more of knowledgeable and passionate Jews doing ... the better our community.
Last Shabbat we read triennial cycle for Yitro. I missed the Ten Commandments, but am always fascinated by Yitro/Jethro and his sage advice to Moses. Moses wanted to do it all! He had the most special connection to God and wanted to share it with everyone. But it can't be done... no one person can serve and touch everyone in a large community. Moses learns that he has to share his gift with others - to educate and facilitate for others to also be connectors to God.
It's a difficult and critical lesson for Moses the "First Rabbi" and almost all of us for the last 3000 years. We can set the tone, we can help with the major decisions, but we can't do it all. We have to train and inspire others to share the joys of study, worship and acts of justice and kindness. The more we empower others to do Jewishly for themselves, the more we can engage members and non-members around Jewish life, the richer and stronger our Jewish world will be. Less of the rabbi doing and more of knowledgeable and passionate Jews doing ... the better our community.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Last Shabbat's Drash (summary)
With all the insertions for Shabbat Shirah last weekend, I didn't have time to give the dvar torah. What I had prepared was adapted from Rabbi Jack Reimer. He was reflecting on the Deborah Story in the Haftarah. Deborah's husband Lapidot (mentioned at the beginning of the selection) was amazing in his time (and maybe in our day too).
Although the text doesn't say one way or the other, for homiletic purposes: Lapidot apparently allowed (and maybe encouraged) Deborah to be a judge, a prophet and military leader. She even composes a song of celebration for the victory of the Canaanites. I'd like to think he reveled in his wife's achievements.
The second story which completes the first is Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsbergs's husband, Marvin (z"l). He was one of the top experts in tax law in our country teaching for many years at Columbia University. When Ruth was nominated, he lobbied his acquaintances in Congress and when she was approved, he resigned from Columbia, moved to DC and basked in her achievement.
Second part of this story: when they got married, Marvin discovered that Ruth was a lousy cook. He loved working in the kitchen. Since he could do it better than she could, he took of kitchen duty and cooked meals for the more than 50 years they were married.
When Marvin Ginsburg was asked how he felt about his wife's achievements and his kitchen duties, he said: "It's not a matter of feminism or not feminism, It's a matter pragmatism. Whoever can do the job better and whoever has the time to do it is the one who should do whatever has to be done. It is that simple."
That's a wonderful thought about relationships. It's not about money, or ego, or power; it's about sharing the responsibilities of life and finding the strength and time to meet the needs of the home where the relationship is nurtured.
Although the text doesn't say one way or the other, for homiletic purposes: Lapidot apparently allowed (and maybe encouraged) Deborah to be a judge, a prophet and military leader. She even composes a song of celebration for the victory of the Canaanites. I'd like to think he reveled in his wife's achievements.
The second story which completes the first is Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsbergs's husband, Marvin (z"l). He was one of the top experts in tax law in our country teaching for many years at Columbia University. When Ruth was nominated, he lobbied his acquaintances in Congress and when she was approved, he resigned from Columbia, moved to DC and basked in her achievement.
Second part of this story: when they got married, Marvin discovered that Ruth was a lousy cook. He loved working in the kitchen. Since he could do it better than she could, he took of kitchen duty and cooked meals for the more than 50 years they were married.
When Marvin Ginsburg was asked how he felt about his wife's achievements and his kitchen duties, he said: "It's not a matter of feminism or not feminism, It's a matter pragmatism. Whoever can do the job better and whoever has the time to do it is the one who should do whatever has to be done. It is that simple."
That's a wonderful thought about relationships. It's not about money, or ego, or power; it's about sharing the responsibilities of life and finding the strength and time to meet the needs of the home where the relationship is nurtured.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
How was God born?
This Shabbas during Kiddush an 8-year old had a serious question: how was God born?
Great question ... everything we know in the physical world has a beginning and an end. Even the universe itself, we theorize, began in the "Big Bang" billions of years ago. That is the nature of the material universe - things come into existence, age, and stop existing.
God though (I explained) is different and unique. God is incorporeal, completely spiritual, without the physical that begins and ends. God existed before the Universe began and will exist after the Universe stops (if this is what will happen). This is one of the things that makes God God - God is, outside the physical. This is probably what God's Name, YHWH, means: "I am" or "I am and I will be."
The closest metaphor to understand this is LOVE. For us love exists with a physical source (ex. parents). But when the source of the love dies, the love lives on. My grandparents are gone many years now - but their love is still a part of me and I still feel it powerfully, almost every day. Spiritual qualities exist beyond physical realities - God is the source of this fundamental aspect of life.
No one truly understands what God is. But we do experience God because we also have a spiritual side to our minds. When we say that God is ONE (Shema Yisrael) we are affirming that God has no parts, no physicality and that because God is spirit - God truly is ONE.
Great question ... everything we know in the physical world has a beginning and an end. Even the universe itself, we theorize, began in the "Big Bang" billions of years ago. That is the nature of the material universe - things come into existence, age, and stop existing.
God though (I explained) is different and unique. God is incorporeal, completely spiritual, without the physical that begins and ends. God existed before the Universe began and will exist after the Universe stops (if this is what will happen). This is one of the things that makes God God - God is, outside the physical. This is probably what God's Name, YHWH, means: "I am" or "I am and I will be."
The closest metaphor to understand this is LOVE. For us love exists with a physical source (ex. parents). But when the source of the love dies, the love lives on. My grandparents are gone many years now - but their love is still a part of me and I still feel it powerfully, almost every day. Spiritual qualities exist beyond physical realities - God is the source of this fundamental aspect of life.
No one truly understands what God is. But we do experience God because we also have a spiritual side to our minds. When we say that God is ONE (Shema Yisrael) we are affirming that God has no parts, no physicality and that because God is spirit - God truly is ONE.
Shabbat's Bo Sermonette
This week in the triennial cycle of Parshat Bo, we read the last plagues: Locusts, Darkness and the introduction to the Death of the First Born.
My colleague, Vernon Kurtz, posted on line an interesting drash this past Shabbat. Exodus Rabbah, in one of its passages, suggests that darkness fell upon some Israelites as well. These were individuals who “had Egyptian patrons and lived in affluence and honor and were unwilling to leave. So G-d said: ‘If I bring upon them publicly a plague from which they will die, the Egyptians will say: ‘Just as it has passed over us so it has passed over them.’” Therefore G-d brought darkness upon the Egyptians for three days, so that the Israelites should bury their dead without their enemies seeing them, and for this they should praise G-d.
There were two aspects which I riffed from his remarks in the Chicago Jewish News. First, part of human nature is to often see the darkness instead of the light. Only after times of crisis and true agonizing darkness do we sometimes realize the blessings we enjoy. "Survivors" often realize and appreciate life and stop taking the little things, like friends and loved ones, which are really important for granted. The Israelites described in the midrash above were enveloped in a darkness of their own design - they couldn't see anyone but themselves. On the other hand, the Israelites who "had light in their dwellings," had feelings of mutual concern and responsibility for each other. One of the great sources of light in our lives is sharing our pain and then hopefully also our joy with friends and family. God's light flows in our relationships with those around us. And I often find that my spiritual batteries, when low, are recharged by reaching out and helping someone else. More often than not I gain energy when I touch another soul.
We live in a stressful time. The normal pressures of 21st Century living have been increased with our present economic circumstance. One of the best ways to cope is to be sure that we have spiritual light in our lives: helping those in need, good times with friends, caring for our loved ones... these insure that we enjoy that light that is always there for us to tap into.
My colleague, Vernon Kurtz, posted on line an interesting drash this past Shabbat. Exodus Rabbah, in one of its passages, suggests that darkness fell upon some Israelites as well. These were individuals who “had Egyptian patrons and lived in affluence and honor and were unwilling to leave. So G-d said: ‘If I bring upon them publicly a plague from which they will die, the Egyptians will say: ‘Just as it has passed over us so it has passed over them.’” Therefore G-d brought darkness upon the Egyptians for three days, so that the Israelites should bury their dead without their enemies seeing them, and for this they should praise G-d.
There were two aspects which I riffed from his remarks in the Chicago Jewish News. First, part of human nature is to often see the darkness instead of the light. Only after times of crisis and true agonizing darkness do we sometimes realize the blessings we enjoy. "Survivors" often realize and appreciate life and stop taking the little things, like friends and loved ones, which are really important for granted. The Israelites described in the midrash above were enveloped in a darkness of their own design - they couldn't see anyone but themselves. On the other hand, the Israelites who "had light in their dwellings," had feelings of mutual concern and responsibility for each other. One of the great sources of light in our lives is sharing our pain and then hopefully also our joy with friends and family. God's light flows in our relationships with those around us. And I often find that my spiritual batteries, when low, are recharged by reaching out and helping someone else. More often than not I gain energy when I touch another soul.
We live in a stressful time. The normal pressures of 21st Century living have been increased with our present economic circumstance. One of the best ways to cope is to be sure that we have spiritual light in our lives: helping those in need, good times with friends, caring for our loved ones... these insure that we enjoy that light that is always there for us to tap into.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
The Changing Synagogue
The synagogue has been the central institution of Jewish life for nearly 2000 years. Today it is (as has occurred in the past) grappling with serious change. While the synagogue has long been a center of worship, study and social relationship - the needs of the 21st Century constituency are different from those of the 2nd half of the 20th Century.
The synagogue I grew up in during the 60s - was a large edifice, with a 3-day a week Hebrew school, an awe-inspiring Sanctuary, and a diverse program of learning (mostly with the rabbi). For my parents it was a place to see friends: for study groups, for holidays, and for social events (New Year's, etc.). My parents wanted this kind of community and their friend network (along with childhood friends) was and is central to who they are.
There is better writing on this than I can articulate, but today we live in multiple communities, spiritually and technologically. We have recreational, cultural, intellectual and spiritual networks that are not all serviced by a synagogue. Fewer people seek out a synagogue to be their primary social community. Most people join a synagogue today for a particular service: early childhood education, for a Bnai Mitzvah or to have a rabbi on retainer. It appears that most young families are looking for smaller, more intimate experiences with their contemporaries in general - and certain not a "big box" experience where everyone does everything together.
Especially in this economic downturn, synagogues are stressed to meet their financial needs. Large buildings, great professional staffs and diverse programs used to be maintained by people who wanted the community to be there and meet diverse needs.
The synagogue today is looking to transform itself. For decades we have constructed amazing facilities and people came ("If you build it they will come!"). Today technologically, socially and spiritual we are seeking new ways to make synagogue more accessible, more personalized, more integral to the lives on our members. I hope this reflects a shift of the spiritual pendulum - synagogues will empower the home and families to be more the center of Jewish life.
The synagogue I grew up in during the 60s - was a large edifice, with a 3-day a week Hebrew school, an awe-inspiring Sanctuary, and a diverse program of learning (mostly with the rabbi). For my parents it was a place to see friends: for study groups, for holidays, and for social events (New Year's, etc.). My parents wanted this kind of community and their friend network (along with childhood friends) was and is central to who they are.
There is better writing on this than I can articulate, but today we live in multiple communities, spiritually and technologically. We have recreational, cultural, intellectual and spiritual networks that are not all serviced by a synagogue. Fewer people seek out a synagogue to be their primary social community. Most people join a synagogue today for a particular service: early childhood education, for a Bnai Mitzvah or to have a rabbi on retainer. It appears that most young families are looking for smaller, more intimate experiences with their contemporaries in general - and certain not a "big box" experience where everyone does everything together.
Especially in this economic downturn, synagogues are stressed to meet their financial needs. Large buildings, great professional staffs and diverse programs used to be maintained by people who wanted the community to be there and meet diverse needs.
The synagogue today is looking to transform itself. For decades we have constructed amazing facilities and people came ("If you build it they will come!"). Today technologically, socially and spiritual we are seeking new ways to make synagogue more accessible, more personalized, more integral to the lives on our members. I hope this reflects a shift of the spiritual pendulum - synagogues will empower the home and families to be more the center of Jewish life.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Jury Duty
Yesterday for the first time in my life, I was called for Jury Duty. In CT. and NY. I was always exempt, since they didn't require clergy to serve. I was called three or four years ago here in Maryland, but my number was so high I didn't have to come to the Court House.
With some ambivalence, I report that I was excused without being called yesterday. They had around 200 jurors waiting in the lounge because they expected 6 trials on Monday. For better or for worse... only one of the trials was held - the others were continued or settled. So after sitting from 8:30 until 12:15 150 jurors were released - only 30 people were randomly selected to remain for any sudden needs for a jury.
On one level, it was kind of a waste - although I got to do a lot of reading. On another level it was a pain (in the back), because I had to sit so long.
But having been a witness once at a jury trial (my previous synagogue in Binghamton was sued by someone who fell on ice - we won because we fortunately were not negligent) it is a sacred honor to participate in the justice system. It is an imperfect system with people trying to discern the facts and apply the law to a set of circumstances. But it a system that is potentially fair where there is good counsel for both sides. Each side presents its case and regular people evaluate the evidence. In some ways I would prefer that rabbinic system where the court (without lawyers) asks the questions and evaluates the evidence. There is no perfect system of human justice... but I'm glad that I was available if needed to participate in our system of adjudicating criminal or civil cases.
With some ambivalence, I report that I was excused without being called yesterday. They had around 200 jurors waiting in the lounge because they expected 6 trials on Monday. For better or for worse... only one of the trials was held - the others were continued or settled. So after sitting from 8:30 until 12:15 150 jurors were released - only 30 people were randomly selected to remain for any sudden needs for a jury.
On one level, it was kind of a waste - although I got to do a lot of reading. On another level it was a pain (in the back), because I had to sit so long.
But having been a witness once at a jury trial (my previous synagogue in Binghamton was sued by someone who fell on ice - we won because we fortunately were not negligent) it is a sacred honor to participate in the justice system. It is an imperfect system with people trying to discern the facts and apply the law to a set of circumstances. But it a system that is potentially fair where there is good counsel for both sides. Each side presents its case and regular people evaluate the evidence. In some ways I would prefer that rabbinic system where the court (without lawyers) asks the questions and evaluates the evidence. There is no perfect system of human justice... but I'm glad that I was available if needed to participate in our system of adjudicating criminal or civil cases.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Happy & Healthy New Year
Hope I'll be more committed to trying to post frequently this year.
What did I learn yesterday?
Two reflections from Shabbat services.
First, when you daven regularly you daven better... infrequently - it just doesn't feel like it flows. A week ago I put the Torah away and davened Musaf. Yikum Purkan Min Shemaya (148 in Slim Shalom) just felt out of rhythm. Doing it again this week - it felt like it flowed. On the other hand, I had not benched Rosh Hodesh in 15 years. I got through it, but it was kind of scary... I knew where I wanted to go with the chanting, but it just didn't come out the way it was in my brain.
Second, even stuff I know backwards and forwards, I should always have a siddur in my hand. I messed up and repeated a part of Mizmor L'David while returning the Torah. It something I walk through with many Bnai Mitzvah with never a flub, but with the distractions of carrying the Torah - I messed up. A powerful reminder about the right way to daven...
A healthy and good 2011 to all
What did I learn yesterday?
Two reflections from Shabbat services.
First, when you daven regularly you daven better... infrequently - it just doesn't feel like it flows. A week ago I put the Torah away and davened Musaf. Yikum Purkan Min Shemaya (148 in Slim Shalom) just felt out of rhythm. Doing it again this week - it felt like it flowed. On the other hand, I had not benched Rosh Hodesh in 15 years. I got through it, but it was kind of scary... I knew where I wanted to go with the chanting, but it just didn't come out the way it was in my brain.
Second, even stuff I know backwards and forwards, I should always have a siddur in my hand. I messed up and repeated a part of Mizmor L'David while returning the Torah. It something I walk through with many Bnai Mitzvah with never a flub, but with the distractions of carrying the Torah - I messed up. A powerful reminder about the right way to daven...
A healthy and good 2011 to all
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